SandraL Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I probably shouldn't be posting this because my head is not in a good place right now and that is not good for this board. I am having a PET scan done tomorrow. I am not anxious about the results at all. I am just very sad and depressed about what they will confirm. I know there is still cancer in my spine from a fairly recent bone scan. And I didn't need a bone scan to tell me that either. My chronic back pain told me that and it has worsened as of late. I just don't know yet how bad the progression is. And I am certain that my lung is no longer clear because it hurts badly. I can no longer sleep on my left side. I have recently started on Tarceva and am not sure if I am going to be able to manage to stay on that. It pretty much put my regular routine to a grinding halt. When you feel and look so awful that you don't feel like going out and doing normal things...that is too much for me. My hair is also still falling out. So as of late, the quality of life I did have has been taken away and I am not sure it is worth it. I will get the results in fairly short order but I am much too cowardly to post that date here. Because I just know they are going to be bad and I have no idea how I am going to get through this one. So I could obviously use some prayers for something but I have no idea what. Proabably just prayers to get me through this next little while. And to not let my children sense that something is terribly wrong with mom. I am just going through the motions right now and feel very very alone in all of this. Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Sandra, I am so sorry you are having such a rough time right now. It is understandable that you are down. I am thinking of you and sending many prayers and positive thoughts your way. I hope you will be able to find that positive energy you need to help you through this. Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 (((((Sandra))))) I am so sorry you're feeling so down - I understand it as I have been feeling kinda crappy myself lately. Wondered why I haven't heard form you. If you want to talk, you know how to reach me - I don't want to bug you if you want some alone time. I am hoping and praying for some good results with your tests. This cancer crap sure does suck!!! Hugs - Patti Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 First of all, Sandra, this is EXACTLY where you should be when things start getting away from you. Don't you DARE not come here because you think you are bringing bad news. Now that said, I am so sorry you are struggling with all that you are. On top of how you are feeling, what you believe the scans will confirm, being disheartened over your appearance, trying to keep it all together for your kids just makes it all too overwhelming. I am sorry. I am going to just hold onto hope that what you expect will not be realized and that there is an explanation for it all. You are a remarkablel young woman, Sandra. You are carrying a very heavy load. Please don't prevent us (by not revealing the date of your results) form offering much needed support. That is what we do here. I'm offering prayers, positive thoughts, and crossing everything I possibly can that your news is better than expected. In the meantime, you come right here and let it out. Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Sandra, My heart is aching after reading your post. I can not imagine your anxiety. And to feel so lousy on top on this is I am sure very difficult. Please know that you only have friends here that care about you and will share both the bad and the good. Hope is a very good 4 letter word. Somehow dig down and find some of this and until you get bad news (if you do) try to think positive vibes. And whatever the news, please share with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Sandra, I think about you so much. You are obviously such a courageous woman trying to hold it all together and I want to say, just let go. You are not cowardly in not posting the date of your results. You are stubborn. You say you don't know how you will get through this, but why try to do it alone? Let your family here help you. We are probably the best people to do that because WE KNOW. We've been there, are there, or are afraid of being there again. I've often thought how little I know of your life because for the most part you are on here giving to others. You have a husband or SO? You mention your daughter? Just one child? How many and what ages? What I do know is that you are intelligent, sensitive, energetic, and quality of life is everything to you. But sometimes we have to forego our short-term goals to realize the long. The hair thing sucks and I dread that Tarceva rash more than anything. But you can get through this, put up with it and stay alive. A big virtual hug, Judy in Key West Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
famograham Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 My prayers for you, Sandra... I'm so sorry for everything you are going through right now. Prayers for strength, prayers for better than expected news, and prayers for you to not feel so alone. xoxoxo Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janette Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I'm praying Sandra. Please take care. Your such help to so many, I just wish I could take your worries away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flyman35 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Prayers Sandra. Just many, many, many prayers. Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nonni Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Hi Sandra... When I look at your pretty smiling face I can't even imagine you feeling the way you do...I am soo soo sorry you are going thru this....but this too will pass my friend and you will be feeling better...It breaks my heart ...I am praying that you will be getting better news than you expect...Please God...help Sandra.... love and prayers....nonni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cat127 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Add my prayers to the list. And I understand your feelings on Tarceva, Kelly has had a rough go of it too. But you have just started, which I assume means you haven't tried to dose reduce yet. They will likely want you to try it for a longer period of time, as many of the side effects diminish over time. But if you really don't feel like you can keep on it, try dose reduction first. Has worked for many folks. Kelly just started back up at 50 mg/d and we have our fingers crossed. I hope you realize you can always come here for the support, but I also understand if you have the 'hide under the covers' thought process, I'm a long-time proponent of hiding under my covers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muriel Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 (((((Sandra))))) Muriel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovesLife Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 (((Sandra))) - my thoughts, prayers and love are with you. I wish I had the right words to say to make it right ... I am at a loss. You know how much we all care and it is so hard to hear about all you are dealing with and not be able to help. I hope you find that safe place to cry, scream and let it out - it just ain't fair. Love, Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chloesmom Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Sandra, All my best thoughts are with you. Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fillise Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 ((((Sandra)))) Thinking about you today and sending prayers for good results into the universe! Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 I always have time to listen adn dry shoulders to cry on Sandra! Will say an extra special prayeer for Ya tonite!((()))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 (((Sandra))), My thoughts and prayers are with you. You aren't alone. So many of us care. Please share with us. I just wish I could wave a magic wand and , well you know... Hope it's not as bad as you think and that there will be a tolerable treatment plan in place soon. Hugs, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Sending love your way. I can't even imagine the pain and anxiety you are experiencing. I am HOPING for the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 ((((((((((((((Sandra)))))))))))))))))))) I am praying for you and am sending POSITIVE thoughts your way. Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caren Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Oh Sandra (((HUGS))) I am so sorry for all that you're going through and how you're feeling emotionally right now. I wish that there was something I could say or do to make you feel better, but there isn't I would like you to know that you are in my thoughts!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyside Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Sandra, I haven't been on this board for very long and I don't post too much, but I have very special feelings for you because we seem to be in pretty much the same place with our cancer and treatment. Many positive thoughts are coming your way from me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reynrona Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 Hi Sandra I hope and pray all goes well for you. I just got back from a Cancer Fair in Hamilton and met some other Lung Cancer survivors, wish you could have been there for me to comfort you and let you know I expect great thing on your next PET. As my daughter in England always say's "Keep a stiff upper lip"! Take care Ron Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted October 27, 2008 Author Share Posted October 27, 2008 Thank you. All of your posts have given me much comfort, the posts here as well as the private messages from many of you. I am overwhelmed with your caring and support. I will not meet many of you in person but you know how I "feel" and all the right things to say better than the others in my life who support me in a different way. I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. I will let you know about my results once I have them and have had a chance to digest them. Blessings to you all who reach out and help others in their time of need. Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda74 Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 Dear Sandra, You have been such a source of inspiration to me as a caregiver to my husband, diagnosed in September. I pray that your results are better than you anticipate. You are a fighter and a very strong woman. Don't give up hope. I am sending good wishes and will continue to pray for you. Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dscherer Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 Sandra, I feel the same as many have posted but I wanted you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Always remember that we are here for the good the bad and everything inbetween. That is what makes this site so great, it is a place to share those feelings and know many can relate! Dana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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