First of all, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this and that family member is so sick. It's great that you are helping your family member by taking them to chemo. That's important, needed support.
The beginning of the journey with this stuff leaves you reeling, doesn't it? Mad, Sad, Angry... I channeled my anger in lots of different weird ways--at people who were insensitive, at insurance companies, at all sorts of things.
My Mom was a smoker too (though she had NSCLC). When she was diagnosed she *Tried* to stop smoking. But it was really, really hard. My Dad, her primary caregiver is still a smoker. Mom eventually quit, and Dad quit smoking inside.
Cigarettes are so addicting. I've talked to poeple who have dealt with alcoholism and drug abuse that tell me that for them smoking is the hardest addiction to kick. That says a lot to me.
The way I thought of it was this way: My folks had just been hit with the hardest thing that they'd ever been hit with in their lives. One of the ways they have coped for years and years was to smoke. If they were edgy, they smoked. If they were sad they smoked.
Now... when confronted with the hardest thing they'd ever dealt with how difficult would it be to quit?? VERY. That coping mechanism would have been gone.
Your family member needs you now. They need your love, your support, and your compassion--not your judgement, and certainly not anger. Cancer teaches us to do the important thins while we still can. To be gentle with one another whenever possible.
Be gentle with your family member. Be understanding. Don't harp on the smoking issue--don't you think he's heard it ALL before? It is debilitating to feel as if you are blamed for your own disease. Don't do that to your family member.
I know that's not your intention, and I know it's hard not to be angry. But realize that at this point in the game, the CANCER is the enemy. Help your family member to fight THAT with all his might.
I'm sorry you have to be here, but welcome to the boards. I hope we'll see you around more!