kimblanchard Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 I spoke of this on another thread, "X-Rays - Not Good" but wanted to come on over here and let everyone know how it is. We began this journey in January 2004 and here we are a whole year later, and a lot of it was good, too - it was worth it. Hubby was sick from treatments many many times but many times he wasn't. We had birthdays, our anniversary, fireworks, family, friends, visitors galore, phonecalls from the distant past, we raised a crop of gourds and when we planted those gourds, no way I thought he would be here for the harvest but he was. He got well enough to take long walks with me and he and I had some of the best talks ever and we are closer than ever, there is something so special between us now and that is forever. So, here we are, a year later, and the chemo didn't work at all and the chemo before that didn't work either. He's been debilitated since Thanksgiving and it just keeps edging worse, week by week. And each time the tests are worse. We knew it was coming. Finally we had the talk with the doctor and we knew it was here. She had other offerings but nothing much, nothing we wanted to try, not really. And now it is Palliative Care. We had lots of discussions and we really think this is our best choice. Enjoy what we have. On the basis of only a few days, Palliative Care is Not Bad. It is kind of a relief in a way. Just think, no more chemo. No more blood counts dropping and spraying everything in the whole house with Lysol. Not that this is what we wanted but it has come. Hubby has plenty of meds. He has no pain at all. He said the other day that he felt contented. He said yesterday what a good wife I was, what a help I am. He is letting go of troubles and seems happier in a way. He sleeps a lot. When he is awake he is pleasant, we talk, we laugh. When he goes back to bed I lay beside him and we watch TV and I rub his back. The little black dog tries to nose his way in between us and usually succeeds. He is losing ground slowly at the present. Two weeks ago he could walk to the car. Now I back the car up to the front porch. Two days ago he wasn't sure he could get to the porch but he did. He needs more help with self care now but nothing I can't do with him. We just take our time, no rush. Nothing is so important it has to be this minute. We have a few tests on Friday to see just what is what. WE might have more treatments for new problems but on the basis of comfort. Sometime next week we will be signing up for Hospice, here at home. It will be nice to have some help, nice to have someone to call with questions. "Nice" being a relative term. He is not so bad off right now, I am thinking we might still have a good bit of time together but I really don't know. Some people stay in Hospice a long time, some don't. I expect I will be around a long time. I have met some really good good people here. Good people are so important in a good life. I don't mean this to be so sad - though it is - but rather just to say we are doing okay today, which is all any of us has. And we are glad to have the meds and the help and we are glad to have the whole year we just had. We are glad it is not over yet. It is just different. Take joy in every day, it is all around you. Life, love, and be happy. Why not? If not now, when? Sorry I am a bit slow on answering the PMs, grin. I know you will understand. We are okay. Blessings, Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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