lennonsgirl Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 She did not recover from the cardiac arrest. There was very little brain activity which changed to no brain activity Saturday afternoon. I gathered as much family as I could to the hospital to be with her as her body finished its functions. I laid beside her in the bed when they turned the machines off for one last cuddle together. She always told me she never wanted to be kept alive on machines if her mind wasn't there so I followed her wishes. I would've kept her on the machines forever, though, which would have been selfish. I am miserable and lonely b/c I miss her so much. We were great friends besides being mom and daughter. I don't know how I'm going to get past this and be "normal" again but I know she will help me. She was in a lot of pain from the brain lesions, though. So bad she was screaming out in pain. I never ever wanted to see my mother hurt so I told her on Friday that if this was too hard to do she could go and I would be okay. I could have sworn I saw her eye flicker like she acknowledged what I said but that could've been wishful thinking. I told her again Saturday morning after I said a prayer and I guess she made up her mind and I guess she did. I will keep in touch with you guys still. You remain a comfort to me. KEEP UP THE GOOD FIGHT!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marym Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I am so sorry for your loss. May your mother find peace and joy. And your family remember all the wonderful times together. Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I'm so very, very sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I am very sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I am so sad to read this. Please accept my heartfelt condolences and prayers. I truly believe your mom did hear you and that your lying next to her was a great source of comfort..for you both. Remember, we are here for you..anytime. Love, Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 My heartfelt sympathies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie22 Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I am so sorry for your loss-May you find comfort and peace. Please do stay in touch. Hugs and prayers Connie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan_Xu Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I am so sorry for your loss although it took me few minutes in opening your message. I know I would cry when I read your message. Please take care. Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I am so very sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family. Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calintay Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 My deepest sympathies go out to you. I am so sorry to read about the loss of you mom. May God be with you during this difficult time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 you have turned a wery steep corner. My thoughts, prayers, and condolences go out to you tonite. If you need us to vent with or anyhting we are always here. This is a very difficult time and we will be here if you need to lean on us, let us know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiesia Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I am so sorry for your lost. My deepest symphaties. w. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I am so, so sorry to read your post. God bless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EastCoastLadi Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I am so sadden to hear about your mom. I know you may take little solace in knowing that she is no longer in pain and cancer can never harm her again. We are here for you, please know that, my heart and prayers go out to you and your family tonite. Grace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollyanne Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I am so sorry. May God's hands lift you up and guide you on the journey the next few months. When you are most down, just remember she is up there keeping an eye on you....and know that you did the most unselfish thing...you let her go. Peace to you, Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I am so very sorry for your loss. We're here... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trish2418 Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Please accept my condolences. May your mom rest in peace. Take care. Trish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justme2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I'm so sorry. Please take comfort that your mom will have eternal peace now. Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pammie Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 So very sorry your mom is gone but so thankful she is not in any more pain. My prayers are with you. pammie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda661 Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Please accept my prayers for peace and sincere condolences. Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kreed70 Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I am so sorry!!! You are in my prayers! I will PM you. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
betty boop Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 May God give you and your family a sense of peace at this time and in the weeks to come. I will say a prayer for you all. Betty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patscan Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 My thoughts are with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Candy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danielle30 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lennonsgirl Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. I and my family really need it right now. This has been hard. Sometimes I feel eerily okay, sometimes I feel like I'm going to cry and never stop, sometimes I just want to sleep forever, but mostly I just miss her. I'll tell you all a dream I had last night. I was at the hospital and two doctors told me my mom had come back. They did not understand how it happened because they had never seen it before. I'm like "What? What do you mean came back? You mean she wasn't dead and I took her off the machines?" They said, "No, it's not like that. She was dead but it's like she was gone three days and then just came back from nowhere." She looked beautiful (as she always did-she's a cutie) and was bopping around being silly and singing (like she always did). I see her and we talk and she's like "Yeah, I'm ok." Then she leaves and comes back and she's doubled over in pain and reaches her hands out to me and says, "I just cannot take the pain." Then I woke up. I want to believe she came to me to give me peace about my decision and about her leaving. Some of you might think I'm crazy but I believe she was checking in on me to let me know all was okay with her. For those of you dealing with this, especially the children of lung cancer or any cancer patient, HANG IN THERE. We have to know that everything we've done, whether it "works" or not, has been so worth it!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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