Z_Pacific Posted March 15, 2004 Share Posted March 15, 2004 Greetings from Guam, Thanks to Tbone and the rest of you who asked about my absence, it is comforting to know I was missed. Have been on an emotional roll-a-costar for the past few weeks. Had a wonderful visit from my grown children only to be followed by the passing of my father this last weekend. It was a true blessing to have visits from my 3 grown children who live back in the “States” as we call it here in Guam. My two sons who live in Las Vegas and daughter who lives in Atlanta were able to spend about 10 days here. Living so far away makes visiting a real ordeal. Think of flying to Hawaii from where you live then taking a 7 to 8 hour flight (depending on the headwinds) to Guam on top of that. Considering connecting flights it can take 20 hours not to mention the cost. Their visit provided us with an opportunity to spend some real quality time together. We went to the beach, barbecued, shared our emotions and love for each other. Most of the time we just sat around and reminisced. I raised these guys as a single father and we had a lot of laughs on the trials and tribulations we encountered. As good as the visit was for me, it ended with the somber feeling that this was probably the last time I was going to see them, which really hit me hard emotionally when we dropped them at the airport. Seeing how each of them was dealing with my illness had its ups and downs as well. My daughter (the youngest 25) who had initially fought my decision not to seek treatment had not only accepted it but was very supportive. My second son had been experiencing some drug and alcohol abuse problems and we had not spoken for some time. He turned up straight and sober with an incredible positive bearing on his life. Going to mass on Sunday, excelling on his job and a real pleasure to sit and talk with. My oldest son on the other had is taking it very hard. Lost about 10 pounds since we saw him at Christmas and can’t seem to accept what is inevitable. He has a great wife and precious little girl who can give him the emotional support he needs when he finally reaches out of the self-pity I believe he is feeling now. I was able to keep the post visit depression at bay by grading papers from the classes I taught. The school asked me if I would make up the third quarter exam and give students grades as I taught them for most of the quarter. As a teacher I guess I never learned the old rule that what you give out comes back in class sized multiples. I made the mistake to give my Advanced Placement Class a test made up of 3 essay questions. Take that times 23 students and I have 69 essays to read. Take that times an average of 4 pages per essay and you have about 276 pages of reading – not so bad but when you are reading the same 3 questions over and over it can drive you a little crazy. In addition I had to grade about 75 regular tests that had true/false, multiple choice and short answer questions. On Sunday my father passed away. He was 82 and lived a truly remarkable life. He was the personification of the “Greatest Generation.” A fighter pilot during WW II. Married for 53 years before my mother passed away. After a successful business career went into government service and spent his last days overlooking the golf course and ocean in Pebble Beach, Ca. A couple days after a fall injuring his pelvice, he developed pneumonia and passed peacefully of a heart attack in his sleep. When we saw each other last over Christmas in California our parting words were, “whoever get there first will turn on a light in the window.” While I grieve for him, I know the light is on and he is now in a better place - AND THAT’S COMPARED WITH LIVING ON THE GOLF COURSE AT PEBBLE BEACH!! My only frustration is that I am unable to travel to his internment in Michigan. I am starting to lose a little steam and everyone seems to think that the trip will be too tiring for me. There is an old Chinese curse that has to do with “wishing that your days be interesting.” I am sure you can deduce from my ramblings that my days have been interesting to say the least. God Bless, Howard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Daughter of Bill Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Soooo good to see you!! We have all been thinking about you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Cheryl- Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Howard, I enjoy reading your posts. You are such an interesting person. I am sorry to hear about your Dad, but his passing seemed so peaceful. I love the thought of "leaving the light on." Please don't be a stranger. Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Good to hear from you, Howard, and all the news of your family. Don't be a stranger. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Howard, How wonderful to spend that time with your children and it sounds like such a wonderful time. I am sorry about your Father, but it certainly appears that he had a full life and a peaceful death - that should be celebrated. Ginny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCarl Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Howard! So glad to hear from you! I've been thinking about you a lot, especially since we have our own forum here now. Check out "The Path Less Travelled" forum if you haven't already! Sounds like your plate has been very full. I'm glad you had the time to spend with your kids, and sorry to hear about your Dad. Dean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Dear Howard, I am so sorry to hear about your dad, turning the lights on made me teary-eyed but in the same instant made me smile. Sure wish your workload wasnt so heavy, that has to be draining. I know many think a teachers job is over once their students go home, my daughter is in her first year of teaching, so I know how hard a good teacher works..It was good to hear from you, your family sounds like they are handling the situation as best they can, thats about all any of us can do...It also sounds like you did a great job raising them... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyCW Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Howard, I'm so sorry to hear about your father passing away. It must hurt not to be able to go, but it sounds like the two of you have a great understanding. (I love the "leave the light on" thought.) I'm really glad your "children" had a chance to spend a nice long visit with you, too. I'm sure the time together meant so much to everyone, and isn't it great especially that you got to see the one son "clean and sober!" What a blessing. I'm amazed that you raised these kids as a single dad... but not really amazed, since it's clear you are a very caring and capable guy. Still, you're a rare bird, I think! If there are more like you in Guam, I'm thinking it would be worth the 20-hour trip to get there. I always love to read your messages. You're in my thoughts and prayers. BeckyCW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBone Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Hi Howard, It was so nice to get on here and see your post.I had been worried about you.I am so glad that you had that family time and that your kids,for the most part,are handling this well.So sorry about your father.That is a long trip even for someone that is not ill.I flew on P3's in the Navy and spent quite a bit of time in Guam and various Pacific paradises.I can't imagine trying to go from Guam to Michigan as weak as I am right now.I think you are doing the right thing by resting up.Prayers for you and yours.TBone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Howard, Happy that all your children visited, but sorry about your father. Your posts are always so easy to read, to me they are like looking at your life in color. Keep near. Hugs J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelliemacs Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 you turned a light on in me with your post. I am a child of both parents with LC one is passed the other on the post about stopping treatment. I broke down with your post and understand my dads thinking, but at the same time I am crying for you, your kids and myself. Its so hard to loose a parent, especially the only one you have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MO_Sugar Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Howard, You have truly been blessed to be able to spend such wonderful time with your children all together. I am so sorry to hear about your Father but as is evident, you know he IS in a better place and you WILL see him again. God bless you. MO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Howard, Glad to see you are back. Sounds like a good visit with your kids; sorry you lost your dad. Be good to yourself... XOXOXOX MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe B Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Howard, It is great hearing from you. Where is your Fathers internment? (what is an internment?) I am in Michigan....... God Bless, Joe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Z_Pacific Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 Greetings from Guam, I just wanted to thank all of you who responded to my posting. I am beginning to realize how our common adversary cancer uses a myriad of tools to weave its evil webs. One of its most subtle is the self-pity that grows out of the frustrations, pain and suffering cancer uses to destroy us. Of recent I have allowed myself succumb to the intoxication of self-pity, wallowing in its seductive grasp. Self-pity clouds ones judgment and perspective taking the focus away from fighting and savoring each moment that God gives us. My wife said she is going to give me a swift kick in the ________ if I continue my affair with self-pity and ask each of you to do the same. God Bless, Howard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Howard, Howard, I was shocked and saddened to read of your father's death. How hard it must be for you to grieve so much all at once. I know you wanted to go to Michigan, but I know that everyone understands why you have not. I believe as you believe, that our loved ones are with us always. I just replied to your other post under "sticky" in Dean's new forum., too before seeing this one. I loved reading about your visit with all your children. It was bittersweet and brought tears and smiles to me. Your children love you so much, I know. My dad raised three of us for a couple years by himself after my mom died when the three of us were 9 5 and 3. When my dad was sick, we used to sit around and talk about those times so fondly, and also with so much compassion for ourselves and the pain the pain only the four of us shared. Now I sit and think about my own dear children and the good times outweigh the unhappy times. I hope it is the same way for my children. That they mostly remember the love I have for them and all the times we were as one. Your second son, he wants you to know he is going to be ok. And I believe he will be. Your oldest son, I think, as an eldest child, feels responsible for you and for the future. (I am the oldest child and I felt responsible as did the oldest son in my family.) He is probably a little afraid of that right now. He loves you Howard, and everyone loves and grieves and faces things differently than anyone else. See me, I am crying my eyes out. For you and all of us. That is what I told myself I can do for one hour and after that I have to stop. But think of the lovely memories you made with them. Guam was probably painted with love by the time they left. Keep those faces in your thoughts. Howard, they are still with you, your lovely children are with you now. Elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berisa Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Howard, it is nice to hear from you again. I am sorry for the loss of your dear father. Stay strong and positive, go and find someone to talk to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Hey Howard, Did I hear right? Your wonderful wife wishes to borrow my FOOT???? Oh Sure NO PROBLEM! Boy my friend, we sure did MISS YOU! I am soooooooo sorry to here you lost your dad. Hugs and Prayers coming your way. Are you having a PARTY TOO? And you didn't invite US??? SHAME SHAME! I'll put my Party hat on if YOU WILL!! What kind of party is it? A PITTY PARTY!! HUMMMMMM, I've been to a LOT of those parties and they just aren't any FUN! So GLAD to have you BACK!! Missed you! Hugs, Connie B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daggiesmom Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Dear Howard, Good to hear from you. My prayers and good wishes go with you. It is obvious that you are a fighter and an optimistic person. God Bless you. Joanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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