Anyone have some tar and feathers??!!!

[Angie Daughter of Bill]

If any of you have some tar and feathers, please Fed Ex them to Alabama. I think I'm going to need them for a few folks at Dad's oncology office. Seldom do I go on a tangent, but I am on one today. I posted earlier about Dad's pain in his shoulder.........well, we got to the office and I mentioned to the nurse who takes the vitals to make a note that Dad would need to get a CT or x-ray or SOMETHING of his right shoulder today. She just looked at me kind-of funny and said, "Today?" I said, "Uh......yeah, today. He is having pain." Well, when the doctor came in I asked about it. He said that we would "schedule it". I told the doctor that I had called about a week ago and the nurse who I spoke with said that we would do a scan today. The Dr. said that he was very sorry, but the imaging center was "overbooked" today and that we would have to schedule it. (Dad's cancer center has an imaging center one floor below the Dr.'s offices........CT's, PET's, x-rays.you name it, they do it) Needless to say I was more than a little upset. As I was about to speak my mind, Dad said, "Well, the pain is not THAT bad. I can wait." The doctor then left the room. Of course he wasn't going to squeeze Dad in with Dad saying that the pain wasn't so bad. My Dad just didn't want to upset anyone. I got to the front desk and found out the date that the doctor wrote down was September 21. That's when Dad is due for a follow up chest CT...........assuming to make things easy, they scheduled it for the same day. !!!!!!!!!!!!!**&^%$#@@#$% I asked Dad why in the world he would do that. Why would he tell the doctor that his pain wasn't "that bad" when he has been eating Lortab. His response was that they were so busy he could wait. I don't want my Dad to wait!! I don't want my Dad in pain for that long not knowing what is going on! Soooooooo as soon as we got home I called the doctor's office. I demanded that my Dad get his CT tomorrow at the imaging center or if they were still "overbooked", then send him to the hospital to get it done! I now have an appointment for tomorrow at the imaging center. (I guess they didn't want to lose the money for the CT scan so they sqeezed him in ) That's a two hour round trip again tomorrow when they could have just listened to me today................ I was going to get my way on this one way or the other.

I have never had a problem like this before with Dad's doctor. They have always been very kind and compassionate and accomodating. Come to find out, the doctor had been out of town all last week and was trying to catch up. Ya' know, I wonder what my Dad's treatment would be like if I didn't go to EVERY appointment with him and speak up for him. I wonder if he would be cared for as well as he has been. I have decided that EVERY patient needs someone to speak up for them. Dealing with this disease is hard enough on the patient. They should not have to put up with "junk" like this.

Sorry for the long post and the rant. This just did not sit right with me today. (I don't think it would sit right with me any day!! ) Please, if you are a patient or caregiver............speak your mind. Speak it loud. Speak it louder until you are heard!! Am I making ANY sense at all??(probably not ) Sorry, I just had to have my little rant! Thanks for the prayers and well wishes this morning.

Love to all!!

Angie

P.S. I sure hope this didn't sound disrespectful towards my Dad. I did not mean it to be disrespectful. I love Dad to pieces. I just want him to get the best care that he can. As long as I am around, he WILL get the best care possible. (even if it means tarring and feathering a few folks along the way )

[K and Kids]

Angie,

You are making sense ... loud and clear. I know we went through these types of situations dealing with the "people" in the care team when my dad had his stroke. I never thought I could stand up and say what I needed to ... I surprised myself. My mom is having to deal with similar issues in Dad's care. I can not go to the appointments because of being so far away. I know Mom get frustrated both with the doctors and nurses and the way they act as if this is a walk in the park. Also my dad down plays his symptoms too. He doesn't want to make a big deal but I agree, speak up so that the issues can be dealt with ASAP.

Your dad is lucky to have you. I hope you were able to vent and prepare yourself to battle again if need be.

[shelliemacs]

Angie,

we up here in NY have another way of dealing with people who cross us the wrong way and it doesn't involve any feathers....

but I won't implicate anyone in my extended very italian family by explaining further.

that being said, I would have and have done the exact same thing and applaud 9while standing) you for the "from your gut" drive you displayed.

mom always said the squeaky wheel gets the oil, but she that bitches the loudest gets everything else.

mucho proud of you girl.

[MJ]

hi angie,

you are so right about having a patient "advocate" around. it's bad enough that patients have to fight this disease, but to have to deal with all the b.s. that comes along with scheduling app'ts, insurance probs, etc. it's just too much to bear. your dad is so lucky to have you. i know that sounds cliche, and i know that i've heard that so many times before that it's beginning to even get annoying at times, but it is so true. and we all know that you love your dad to pieces, and your reaction towards him wasn't out of anything but frustration towards the disease/the medical system, NOT your father (and he knows it too). believe me, i've gone off more than a few times. it's the only way to keep some semblance of sanity during that rollercoaster ride.

i know that doctors don't exactly have it easy too and i know that they need vacations 'cause they are human, but i keep thinking -- hey, they got into this profession by choice while our family members and friends didn't get cancer by choice. so i would think that it is perfectly acceptable for us to get "irrational" and demanding at times. you have nothing to feel guilty about. there is not an ounce of rational argument that could justify having your father wait so long to get a ct when he is in pain. he has too many other things to juggle around, and that is the "least" of his problems.

wow, while i write, i'm getting more peeved too. your post did not "go off on a tangent;" it was right on target. advocating the better treatment of your dear father's health is of vital importance. he deserves that much. heck, you both deserve a lot better.

i pray that tomorrow brings you good news. i know that driving in and of itself is just a big hassle on top of everything. put on some good tunes, have a large cup of iced coffee besides you, and know that you are in our prayers.

God bless you,

mj

[kate1621]

OMG!! How ironic. I won't hijack your post, but know that I can totally sympathize w/you today. I'm so mad today I could spit nails, but I have to work for a few hours before I can process our day.

Isn't it aggravating when one hand doesnt know what the other's doing?

Are they blind? Can't they tell when someone's in pain? Do they think people undergoing treatment volunteer for unnecessarry aggravation/tests?? Aren't they supposed to be trained for this stuff??

Both of J's oncologists went on vacation simultaneously the week that he started radiation/chemo. Radiation oncologist said everyone's getting vacations done before kids go back to school. How nice for them. That's my problem how??

I completely support your theory about speaking up for dad. Isn't it frightening to think of what could be without a LOUD mouthpeice? The past 2 days I'm sure I've made enough folks mad, so they'll be glad if we change to another care provider. (which is what I'm investigating)

I hope this was just an off day w/your dad's oncologist. Sorry you had such a hard time.

Please, rant some more. Then I won't feel guilty when I unleash the venom I have today later.

I hope your dad's managing ok.

Kate

[luvmydog2]

Way to go Angie. You had to use some of that "Southern Hospitality" ...but it worked. Let us know as soon as you know results.

[sharyn]

Angie -

GOOD FOR YOU!!!

I have found in my journey with Daddy that you must speak your mind as you said, and SPEAK IT LOUDLY. The old say "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" is so true!! My Dad would have done EXACTLY what your Dad did, play down the symptoms so no one gets "put out". I guess its part of their sweet nature, they don't like to make waves. So, we daughters make the waves for them!! I AM PROUD OF YOU!! Good luck tomorrow - Love, Sharon

[Guest bean_si (Not Active)]

Angie, Please direct me exactly who to tar and feather. I would so much like to tar and feather some medical personnel. You have NO idea how happy I would to kick their

Cat

[Elaine]

Up north they don't use tar and feathers, lol. Not even sure what the equivalent of them are. Probably here in Kansas, they just take their rifles off the gun racks in the back of their pick-ups--

Angie, glad you got something done. You know, your dad probably knows he needs the scan, but he probably would like to avoid it, so when they said what they said about the 21st, he porbably just thought--hey, that will work--even though he knows he might need it sooner. Does that make sense?

Love you both

elaine

[Snowflake]

Angie,

I have about eight gallons of liquid tar from "sealing" my foundation a week or so ago. I do NOT have feathers, but I'm sure that between here and where you are you can scare up a chicken farm or two...

I remember something about riding bad folks out of town on a rail, but our tracks were ripped up long, long ago....went the way of SERVICE in a restaurant and gentle people who always had time for a story and a mosey....

Glad you got your Irish up, girl! (This from a descendant of the clan MacDonald...E-I-E-I-O!! ROFL)

Angie, you and your sweet southern self ROCK, woman! Skynard all the way!

[ginnyde]

Angie,

I am so proud of you.

[Don Wood]

Angie, you are such a good care giver and advocate for your dad. He is so lucky to have you. As I have said, every patient needs an advocate who is vigilant and persistent. You qualify in spades! Proud of you. Let us know what they find out. Don

[Connie B]

YOU GO GIRL!!!! Makes perfect sense to me!!!

Onward and Upward! That's how things should go!

[espy]

Believe me Angie, I hear you! I went through similar situations with my father and can feel your frustration. Yes, I agree, every patient needs a strong advocate to speak up when the need arises.

[espy]

PS: KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

[char1048]

I second that ((((((((((((YOU GO GIRL))))))))))))))), I and very proud of you. Prayers coming your way and God Bless You. Charolette

[Nancy B]

Angie, good for you! My Dad is the same way, doesn't want to make waves only they live on the east coast, me on the west, so I can't go to appointments with them. I do talk to them on the phone daily and try to tell them what to say and ask when they go to a dr. appt. I am so glad you are there to go with your Dad. I have found that if you don't push, it won't happen. Prayers always with you and all of your family.

Hugs,

Nancy B

[TeeTaa]

Okay, Snowflake, you send that tar, and I'll head Angie's way with the feathers. This is chicken territory here in Georgia (and in fact Teacake works for a chicken company and my husband sells stuff to chicken companies). Down in our hometown where TBone lived (still seems weird to refer to him in the past tense ) we know lots of folks with chicken farms, so I can get enough to take care of all these insensitive jerks you folks are having to deal with these days. Geesh - how can they be so insensitive?!?!

Angie - I got on here tonight mainly to see how things went after talking to you this morning, and this is NOT what I wanted to read. I'll call you later in the week. In the meantime, Little Miss Steel Magnolia, keep all those folks over there in Alabama in line. I've got your back!

Love,

TeeTaa

[Angie Daughter of Bill]

Well, first of all, thank you ALL for your kind words. I got so many compliments that I wasn't "fishing" for at all. I just wanted to say to everyone, Don't let doctors and nurses put you off. Don't let them treat you like something is not important, no matter how small it may seem. Don't let them treat YOU like you are not important. You ARE important. (you are all very important to me )You might have to "ruffle some feathers" to get results. If you don't speak up, they WILL put you on the back burner. It's sad, really, that one has to put aside their "southern hospitality" to get results. I do sympathize with the doctors. I know that they need a vacation. In fact, they probably need many more vacations than they take. I understand that. But they have to understand that they are dealing with people. HUMAN BEINGS who have family members who care deeply for them and love them with all their hearts. This disease is traumatic enough without being treated that way.

Now, I do believe that Elaine is right. I do believe that my Dad is scared to find out what is going on with his shoulder. Dad and I had a long talk about that this afternoon. I told him that we HAVE to find out what is going on in order to fix it and alleviate his pain. I told him that we have to face every sypmtom "head on". I will be there to fight with him.......whatever it takes.

Well guys, I appreciate ya'll coming out with the tar and feathers. It's good to know that I have such a great group of friends. Now, if anyone needs their doctor tarred and feathered, give me a call. I have experience and will be happy to do it for you.

Much love to all!

In my thoughts and prayers!

Angie

P.S. One day I am going to post a little bit about my Dad. (his background, where he grew up, etc.) I realized today that you guys know very little about him. Although, you probably know more about ME than you would like to.

[stand4hope]

Dear Angie,

I read this while I was at work today, but couldn't stay online to respond. I can't believe your dad - my dad was the exact same way. He NEVER wanted to bother the doctors or nurses with anything. It made me crazy. He would say things like, "Well, he's a busy man." or "I'm not the only patient in the hospital." I would ask him if he told the doctor about a certain problem, and he would say "No, he seemed like he was in a hurry." Geesh! One day he really surprised me. He had his light on for assistance for an hour and a half and nobody came, and he really needed help bad. He finally took his water pitcher (half full) and threw it as hard as he could out in the hall. He got attention!

Sometimes it takes drastic measures to get the attention that's required, but where there's a will, there's a way. You've got the will, so there will be a way!

Much love,

Peggy

[David P]

Angie, you are to be commended for your tenacity - your father is a very lucky man to have you in his corner. Now, speaking as a father, your father's response, and that of other dad's in like situations could solely be to protect you. At the point of his response, you were in conflict with the nurse, and were to soon get into it with the doctor. Him saying it doesn't hurt that much could be him thinking of you more than of himself. Glad to hear he got in for his scan. Take care.

David P.

[Andrea]

Angie,

You go girl! Please let us know how the scan went.

[Pamela]

This is a very interesting thread to me. My brothers and I learned the hard way about being an advocate for our father. We went into this thing believing that the doctors and nurses would do their best, that we should trust their knowledge and experience. We ended this experience disillusioned and more than a little bitter about it.

In fact, at my Dad's funeral, my oldest brother gave a "blessing" to the health care professionals who helped Dad get to where he was. It was a very angry rant that pretty much stunned everyone there, but certainly gave food for thought.

My question is the one I had all along. How do you forcefully, assertively stand up for your loved one without alienating the healthcare workers? I was always worried that if we ticked off the doctors and nurses caring for Dad that they wouldn't fight as hard for him when he needed them. We noticed that their "favorite" patients at the hospital were attended to first. Do you need to maintain that kind of "kiss their butts" perspective or is it better to let them know that you're not taking their crap?

Pam

[J.C.]

Angie,

You go Girl,

I could offer crazy glue it is better than tar for lasting effects,

specially to glue lips together.

We have the same problem here in Quebec, worst often,

as my husband was English speaking and all the directions

in the hospitals are in French, and the staff very often spoke

between themselves in French, in front of Mike, but they forgot

about me, I speak French, and I never missed any occasion

to get them where it hurt.............

Good luck and keep us posted.

J.C.

[elnodel]

Good for you, Angie. I'm so glad you hung in there and got your dad his scan. And I'll be waiting to hear the results.

You, and the others, bring up some really excellent questions. I have just automatically gone with Len to everything, been there for the beginning and end of every chemo (no, I haven't stayed for the full six and a half hours that each treatment has taken but at least I was there for three of each of them at either end), and it seems that I do most of the talking. Is it men?

We've been very very lucky so far in our doctors -- everything's been scheduled right away and they've made it clear that they don't want to wait for anything -- they want it now! And they've been thorough, making time for asking questions about everything, from the initial stay in the hospital (surgery) to the follow up treatments. And sending each other letters and information so everyone is in the picture. But I know plenty of other people who have had very different experiences, sometimes with devastating results.

As for the Shelly's variation on tarring and feathering, cement overshoes come to mind....

Ellen