Oh Pat, hugs and prayers to you and Brian. Of course you're not ok. Please lean on us and also know that God has great big arms wrapped around both of you. I pray for strength and comfort for both of you.
I don't know if this will be any help to you, but my Mom is 81 and 10 or so years ago she said to me "you know, when it is my time, I will miss you very much, but LOOK WHERE I'M GOING." That is a thought that will sustain me, I think.
You and Brian seem so close and I just can't imagine what you are going through, just know that I care and I'm praying.
Love and prayers,
Nancy B