laslalas Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 Hi Everyone. I am a regular reader, but this is my first post. I want to say that this forum has given me much insight and hope. But I haven't yet found a post that deals with what I am going through. This is a delicate subject and I would like to let you know that I do not want to offend anyone, but I need some help. I am dealing with some serious anger issues surrounding my mom's illness. She was dx over a year ago with stage IV adenocarcenoma. She has had her good moments, but she is steadily getting worse and worse. She is on oxygen and can no longer get up without help, and she is medicated to the point of sleeping 20/hrs a day. I need to deal with this before it is too late. I have searched grief and cancer sites and I know that anger is a typical and usually necessary process. But I have had a constant and increasing anger since I found out my mom was sick. I am not angry at God or cigarette companies, I am angry with her. She made the decision to smoke and the decision not to quit. To this day she tries to (and with my father's assistance) smokes cigarettes. She has no resolve to quit even as her life is quickly diminishing. I am quite libertarian and believe that a person is responsible for their actions, but I also know that addiction is a chemical disease. Even so, there are so many ways she could have quit if she wanted to- but she didn't. She never got help. I am in my early 20's, so as a child of the 80's & 90's, I was taught since preschool how dangerous (and disgusting) smoking is. So every single day of my fricking life I begged, guilt-tripped, pleaded, yelled, lied, tricked (or tried to trick) my mom to quit smoking. Throwing her cigarettes out of the car window, hiding them, showing her pictures of smokers lungs, asking her how she could kill herself to leave me behind, etc - none of that worked (this was all stuff I did as a child, by the way) Why didn't she care enough to listen to me? I was young, yes, but I only wanted her to have a long time on earth. What could I have done to convince her to quit? She didnt even try. And now she will never see me marry, her grandchildren will never know her, my father will be without his wife for the rest of his life- And for what? All because she didn't care enought to make the decision to quit. I really want to let this anger go. I know it is not productive and is hindering my last moments with my mom. I am mad at her and see her as weak, despite all she is going through. Did you go through this? Any help is appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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