stand4hope Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 Hi everybody, It's one month today since I lost my love. It's still hard for me to believe that he is gone and that I will never see him or talk to him again. I am doing pretty good, though. It seems I can go for a couple of days and be fine, but then it all comes crashing down on me like a heavy dark cloud. I am going back to see my counselor in a couple of weeks. I am so afraid of becoming depressed, and I want to do everything I can to not let that happen. I had a couple of days last week where I was having thoughts like "nothing matters", "why bother", and "I don't care about anything." I clearly recognized those thoughts as the predecessors to depression, and I just don't want that to happen, so I am going to fight it off with everything I've got and use every available tool to prevent it. I was able to shake that off and have had a good holiday weekend, but very busy. I've been doing some major cleanup around the house, been out to eat with my sister, and spent some money shopping for things for the house. I've enjoyed those things, and am having brunch at 11:00 today with my sister, neice and her two kids. Mike is doing fair. In some ways, he's ok and in others he's not. I bought him a used Harley from his dad's estate money, and he is enjoying that tremendously - and it's a lot less $$$ for gas. He is in the process of moving into an apartment with a friend this weekend, and I think that will help both of us. They haven't started the construction on my house yet. We're waiting on the county to get their butts out here and locate the septic tank. I have been really working hard at my job and that has also helped to keep my mind busy. I've got lots of projects on my to-do list that will keep me busy for months, as well as plans with family and friends. I actually have a new friend, too. She lives in a large house behind me with many acres of land. Her husband was killed in an airplane crash (his own plane), behind our house just on the other side of the interstate as he was coming in to land on their airstrip. Cindy was watching on their porch and saw him crash. I spent some time with her for a while after Skip died, but then we just haven't stayed in touch. She was here at the house after the funeral and has called me. We have cried together and now have something in common, so I think we will spend some time together getting out and doing some things. Well, that's all I can think of to tell you for now. I love you all, pray for you all, and care about you very much, even if I'm not posting very much. Love to all, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 Dear Peggy, It is GOOD to see that you have been here and posting some. I will be thinking of you all day today. How hard all the 'firsts' will be...here it is the firt holilday weekend. It is GOOD, too, that you are trying to keep busy. I would think you probably have to force yourself at times. The fact that you are doing it is a positive sign. I am sure that you have tons of friends, as well as family, to help keep you busy. Don't forget you tons of friends - family - here too for any support you may need. Always, always very warm thoughts going your way, Peggy. Love, Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 dear Peggy. Lord knows we all used up your poor shoulders to cry on... we got plenty big ones for you to lean on here, I tell ya. Can't imagine how difficult this is for you. What a nightmare. I am encouraged that you will do some preventive work for yourself. Your momma didn't raise no dummy! Some of the most brilliant stuff I read came right out of that mouth of yours. You have so much wisdom for all of us, I know that you have the sense not to let yourself slip so far down that you can't climb out again...much as it would feel like you could or should. One day the sun will shine again. Maybe not as brightly, but it will shine. Until then and even after then....you know you can come here and blubber all you want and that you will be heard and loved back to life. You are one loved gal, you know that, don't you???? Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimmek Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 Peggy' It is so good to hear from you. I have often wondered how you and Mike were holding up. Sounds like you are doing OK. Keeping busy and thats a good thing. So you are building a new home? That will certainly keep you occupied for awhile!! Keep in touch, so are sooooo missed Love Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 Hi Peggy, I am so glad that you posted to let us know how you are doing. You guys had such a special relationship and so much love that came through in all your posts here. I am glad you decided to go and get some help before you slip into a depression mode. The counslor will hope you cope with your on and off emotions. You are keeping yourself busy with work and being with your sister and her family must help. I am also glad you found your neighbor again, and now you have someone you can relate too. And someone you can do things with, that is good medicine for you both. Just know that you are in my thoughts and Iam glad you seem to be coping. You just keep taking one day at a time and keep yourself busy. Please take care of yourself. We love you too and you know we are always here to support you. Please keep us posted from time to time to let us know how you are doing. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jana_W Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 Hi Peggy I am thinking of you at these difficult times. We lost Mum on 4th August and although I know the pain I am sufferring cannot be compared to the loss of losing your husband and life partner, I see how hard this is by looking at my Dad. I don't really have much else to say, but just wanted you to know you were in my thoughts. Love Jana xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leslie221 Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 (((Peggy))) Leslie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 Peggy, I am so glad to see you back here, and I am glad month 1 is over. I know that feeling of total disbelief that you will never see them again, it just does not seem possible. The 'nothing matters' etc. are very common I think. We were always Gin and Earl just as you were Peggy and Don. We have to learn to be just half of that duo, not easy. As you know, I am so glad you are busy and finding new friends. Doesn't make the grief any less but does help get us through each day. Sounds like Mike is moving forward, must make you feel good. Keep in touch, you are a treasured member of our family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmynatt Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 Peggy, So good to hear from you. Continuing to pray for you especially this week--today and Thurs. Take care and let us help hold you up during this difficult time. Love, Tina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 Thanks for checking in with us Peggy. It is good to see you. I hope things get easier as time goes on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 Hi Peggy, It's good to see you here. You are so much a part of this family and it's just a comfort to have you drop in from time to time. I can't begin to imagine how hard these days much be for you, but I am happy to hear that you are doing things and living life. That's wonderful. It's going to take lots of time ,Peggy , but you are truly an inspiration to me. God Bless you and may the days get easier in time. Love, sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 Thank you for your post, dear friend. We think of you everyday and pray for you and Mike by name. Love you P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 Peggy,good to hear from you and thanks for the update. I hope time makes things easier to bear,and I think you are doing right by staying busy as much as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 Peggy, Glad to see your post. Just happy that you are busy and now with a good frienship you may have tears but you will also have smiles. Love J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chloesmom Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 Peggy, Thank you for letting us know how you're doing. Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 Peggy, I am thinking of you after reading your post. It is indeed unreal that it has been a month. You sound like you have a good grip on things. Hang in there. Change is hard without our loved ones. God bless,Nancy C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 (((Peggy))) I think it helps knowing you have someone that knows and understands your pain, its good that you are back in contact with your friend who lost her husband, maybe you can help each other heal and find peace.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 Peggy, My heart goes out to you. I also admire your attitude so much, you have no idea. Sending hugs and prayers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyb Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 Peggy, It is good to see you post. All the things you wrote about have a familiar ring to them. I was were you are now two years ago. It seems a life time ago and some days like it was yesterday. I am glad you are taking care of yourself and seeking help when you feel the need. I guess what hit me most was what you wrote about Mike. I think the kids take it harder than we realize. It just goes to show how we deal with our grief in our own way. You are in my prayers. Shirley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Oh Peggy, I have tried to think of something gentle to say to you, and other then wanting to give you a HUGE WARM AND GENTLE HUG, I can't think of anything that will take your pain away. I understand that pain only to well. It goes deep. Baby steps Peggy, Baby Steps! (((({PEGGY))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
endangered but surviving Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Thank you for letting us know how you are doing. I have been wondering. Take care, love joyce Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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