Tarheeldad Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Hello everyone. I am Warren's wife, Donna. I have read your posts, and kept up with his as he has written them. I am glad Warren found this place, I think it was a place of Hope for him, and he could talk to other people that were in the same situation as he. Cancer. I hate that word. What I have to say is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, (even harder than taking care of my mom when she was dying of cancer.) Although I know there are gonna be harder times pretty quick. There is no easy way to say anything like this, and I am not good at sugar coating things. It is hard to keep from crying, and I know more is coming. Warren and I went through the tests and things at the CTCA and today, we were to consult with a Dr. I had a bad feeling when we walked in, he told Warren he wished he had met him many years ago, to stop him from smoking. It got worse, and bottom line is that Warren has about 2 months. and yes, He told us to contact Hospice. He wanted me to post on here..I know he will post later, but I think right now he is having alot of things rushing through his mind. I can't imagine how hard this is for him. I can't tell you what it feels like for me to know how limited our time is left. 60 days.......not enough time---never enough time. It is hard right now to try to be strong, I feel bad because I can't stop myself from crying and then Warren is the one comforting me..I feel selfish that he is leaving me, and I feel so sorry for him because there isn't anything I can do to help him on this journey other than walk with him as far as I can by his side holding his hand.....and then let go. I DON'T want to let go damn it. I am not gonna say all the stuff that people say, but you can bet that I have thought it.....am thinking it. I don't want to bore you, but...I was married for 23 years to a controling, drunk, a-hole. I met Warren and he has been the most wonderful thing that ever happened in my life. We have only had 5 SHORT years together, been married just over 3---how unfair is that? ============================================= Actually, I thought about erasing the things I put above, I know life isn't fair, I know there are no promises, and the LAST thing I want is for anyone to feel sorry for me or for Warren. I just want you to know that he is GOOD man--the BEST thing that happened in my life...and I am SURE I will be with him in our next lifetime....and I will know it when I find him........... Thanks ya'll for letting me talk....NO, it hasn't helped me....and never will, but...I KNOW this place has helped Warren..and for that...I thank you....for supporting him, I thank you...and for giving him strength I thank you the most. Forever love, Donna Stearns, Warren's wife... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darrell Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I am so very sorry of the news you received. So far away from home to receive news like that. My heart is with you both. I will pray that things will change for the better. Much love, Darrell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Donna, I am glad you came and expressed yourself. it is tough to see a spouse go through this, and then to lose them. There was another couple on here who had a second marriage and it was only 5 years when he died of lc. Not fair --- not fair at all. But we do have the memories of the times together. My heart goes out to you. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 I am very sorry. I hope Warren proves them wrong and you have more time together. Please come and vent here anytime and tell Warren we are thinking of him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Dear Donna, Please know that you are definitely not alone with any of your feelings at this time. I went through exactly what you're feeling and I understand your personal pain and fears. I have found that talking about it here does help. My friends here have always been willing to let me or anyone else express our feelings about these sad things, including anger, frustration and every emotion. Many of us have experienced all of that and have found that together we can be stronger. My prayers are with you and Warren at this time. And, also, I agree with Ry, there is a very good chance that you have more time than the doctor said. In fact, if you haven't done so already, you might be surprised what a second opinion would disclose. My board name is stand4hope, and until my husband drew his last breath, I held onto that hope. Donna, none of us know when that cure we are all waiting for is going to appear. It could be tomorrow. It could be next week. I do believe in preparing for the worst - that's just a smart thing to do, but after doing that, then I also believe in expecting the best! Sending you love and HOPE, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Many prayers and much understanding. Love Pat Please remind Warren that we care and are lifting him up in prayer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Prayers for Warren and you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MilliBr1 Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 You both are in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inkerdoodler Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Donna: I can so identify with you. We received similar news this weeks, and are considering going to CTCA in Philadelphia. We were told we were out of options. We practically insisted on other alternatives and he will start Tarceva next week, with supposedly only a minimal chance of any success. Don't know if CTCA can offer anyting different because we are already being treated at supposedly one of the best places in the country, but when you are desperate you'll try almost anything. Ours is also a second marriage... we have been together for 20 years, married for 15 and he's the best thing that could ever have happened to me. Just hold his hand they way you hold his heart and be there for whatever is ahead. We need to be strong for them. Everyone wants to know what they can "DO" but there isn't much. I've asked his family members to start writing love letters filled with their favorite memories of thim so I can share them with him when I think the time is right. I will pray for you both to give you the strength you will need in the coming days. Sandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 My prayers are for the both of you. I pray that things do not go the way the doctor says. Prayers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 Sending you thoughts of support as you face this anguish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 DONNA HAVING JUST RECENTLY LOST MY BRIDE OF 44 YEAR'S I KNOW HOW DIFFICULT OF TIME YOUR FACING. I PRAY THE DOCTOR IS WRONG AS THERE ARE MANY STORIES OF PEOPLE GIVEN ONLY A FEW DAY'S,WEEK,MONTH'S TO LIVE AND LIVE FOR MANY MORE YEAR'S AND PRAYING THAT WILL BE YOUR CASE........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 Donna, Prayers for Warren and you. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DebsSky Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 Donna: I am praying for you guys and hoping that the doctors are wrong. Have you thought about trying to get into the Cloretazine trial that Schmaydee had such success with. I think Yale Medical Center in New Haven, CT is still accepting people. The MD in charge's name is Scott Gettinger. Maybe worth a telephone call at least. Good luck to you and prayers for you, Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jean44 Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Donna, Please know that Warren and you are in my prayers. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pammie Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Donna, Lots of prayers are going up for you and Warren. God is there to put is comforting arms around you all. pammie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patty Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Lots of thoughts and prayers going your way and hope that the doc is wrong. Keep us posted. Take Care, Patty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Donna,I'm sorry you and Warren are going thru this pain and agony.I do know the feeling as I have been told several times in the last almost 3 years that I have only 3 months at best left.My wife and I combat this by making the best we can of each day we are given together.Having a strong faith also helps me very much. We will keep you and Warren in our thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollyanne Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Donna - Prayers for many, many good days ahead and that Warren proves the onc wrong. Life isn't fair, I agree. Lots of love, Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelepal Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Praying for your Family! (((hugs))) Michele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy RN Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Donna-I read your post a few days ago. I could not post then, I hurt so bad for you. Keep up the Faith and live each day. That is all any of us can do. Prayers (((hugs))) Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LTich Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Donna- So sorry to hear about the bad news. Please don't give up hope. Try not to focus on the numbers, doctors are wrong all the time. You just can't put a number on the human spirit & will to live. Focus on the incredible love the two of you share & savor every moment. You & Warren are in my thoughts & prayers. Big Hugs, Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSF Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Donna and Warren, Sending prayers your way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEA Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Donna, I too was blessed with a second chance for a wonderful marriage to a loving husband. We are also fighting the fight to beat this horrible disease. I will keep you and Warren in my prayers and hope you find some options in Chicago. Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarheeldad Posted March 28, 2006 Author Share Posted March 28, 2006 It has been 10 days now...I miss Warren so much!! This just sucks. I wanted to tell you something that happened when we left the CTCA that Sat. March 11. I know it happened for a reason, I was not sure what it was at first, but I feel now it happened to give Warren some hope after having it crushed so brutally at CTCA. We were to leave in a limo at 9am. When the limo got there it was full, and we were asked to wait for another one. When the next one came, we got in and were told there was another couple that would be coming. A frail looking old man and his wife got into the car about 5 minutes later. The man looked very tired. After the limo got started, Warren, being the talker he is, started talking to the wife. She wanted to know where we were from, and when Warren told her NC, she said they were from there also. On the hour drive to the airport, the man started talking. Warren told the couple what the Dr told us, and how it was so bleak. The man, Bill, then told Warren that several years ago, he himself, had been told by Dr's that he only had a few months left. He said they told him he would never make it to 60, but that he would be 63 in a few weeks. He told us how he thought he was dying one night. (He had pancreatic Cancer, and his liver was affected also.) His legs were swollen like Warren's and he could barely walk. He said on this night. he was barely conscious, and he felt a "ripping" inside his body. He said, after that everything went blank. Days later, when he became aware of his surroundings again, and after going to the Dr., He was told there was no sign of the cancer. Miracle? Truth? I don't know, and it does not matter. I DO know the man has 3 PHD's and he was also a councilor. He is also a very smart and learned man. He told Warren several things that he needed to eat. Veggies..Black Strap Molasses...Soak in a tub with Vinegar in it to reduce the swelling.. This man had a whole list of things. I wrote them all down, and also his phone number. He told us that he rarely talks to people when he is out, but that there was just "something" about Warren and I, that he "had" to talk to us. Before getting out of the Limo, we all held hands and prayed. Bill, called Warren almost every day the next week..and he called the day Warren died. I know all of this sounds strange, it was strange to me too, but ...There WAS a reason we met this man..In a limo we were not supposed to be in. and I believe that reason was HOPE. Hope to help Warren make it to the end. I know it helped Warren, and that is all that mattered. Warren's wife, Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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