Patkid Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Tomorrow is the anniversary of Tom's death.........for those of you that don't know I have been widowed twice. Before my Brian there was my Tom. He was a wonderful man who died at 44 of a swift and massive heart attack.............doc's words: 'some things we can not explain'.......Tom was a wonderful husband, a loyal, patient, kind and attentive daddy. respected and liked at work, in good shape and NOT a typical Heart Attack candidate. The only reason I could love again with Bri was because of how well loved I was by Tom..........Brian always gave me roses on the anniversary of Tom's death (even last year a mere 3 weeks before his own death)...............Brian, too, was amazing and for some reason he really really understood that I loved him completely and still loved Tom's memory just as completely. I know I am so lucky to have know so much love and kindness.................. but honestly, I don't feel lucky. I feel as sad as possible and I am worried that I am turning into a bitter old woman............all weepy, self pitying, and morose. I appreciate this forum. I appreciate your support. Thanks for being here. Love Pat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 What you are feeling sounds very normal I am so sorry you have to go through all these losses Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Oh (((Pat))), You definitely are NOT turning into a bitter old woman. You are a grieving, loving, compassionate 2x widow who has been dealt a couple of hands hard to deal with. I hope you know that Fred, indeed, does understand to some extent. He lost one wife to cancer, and now each morning, I think, holds his breath for me to survive just one more day. Ah yes, luck! Well, lucky you have been to be gifted with 2 such remarkable men. But how doubly difficult to lose them both. You have remained in our prayers, Pat, all this year. I know your faith was quite strong. Myself, sometimes I do find it difficult to keep it up with so much sorrow and heartache. May there be some peace for you this holiday in knowing that you have been blessed with wonderful partners. And may the memory of that bring you some small comfort. Fred and I will remain vigilant in our best prayers and hopes for you. Please contact us if you need help through the holidays. We care. Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Oh Pat.... You are the opposite of a bitter old lady. You are a compassionate, loving, giving woman who is also dealing with two incredible losses. I didn't realize your 'anniversaries' were so close together.... Makes me just ask why..... I ache for you. And I care. And I send you so much love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Oh, Pat...my heart just sank when I read the title of your post. I wish there were some magic words that I could write that would help ease the profound heartache you feel, but sadly there isn't anything that I could say that would help. I do know that from the very first moment that I came *here* you reached out and were right there comforting me....surounding me with sage advice and loving prayers. You listened patiently to me go on and ON about the fire and you will never know how healing that was for me..it was one of the few times I *let it all out* YOU, are a dear, dear person and are in my prayers nightly. I am so, so sorry you are hurting, Pat. I truly have no idea what emotions you are feeling but THIS I DO KNOW...walk through them and when you come out on the other side...we will be here for you..and I will be one of the first in line. Hugs and love, Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmynatt Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Pat, I'm sorry you are hurting. I can't imagine lossing two wonderful husbands. I know the pain of one...it hurts a lot. I continue to pray for you often and will continue to do so especially tomorrow and in the next 3 weeks. You are a blessing to us, Pat. We are here for you. I haven't posted much lately...just don't always feel up to it or feel like I can't help like I use to. Anyway, praying and God bless you! Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Hugs and more hugs to you dear girl. Feel us all around you. gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EastCoastLadi Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 (((Pat))), I wish I had some "magic" words to take your pain away. You're not turning into a bitter old woman, "bitter" entails lack of love and compassion, and you my friend have an abundance of both.... Please take care of yourself... Grace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 It may not seem like it to you right now, but you have been very fortunate and very blessed. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Pat, Iam holding you close to my heart as you have a place there. This has to be so difficult for you that you had to deal with such a young death of your 1st husband and now you are dealing with another. I also had no idea. You are reliving this all over again with Brian. I wish I could do something to help you through this, but all I can do is let you now how special you are and how much you are loved here. I hope tomorrow finds you feeling better. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 ((((((((((((PAT)))))))))))) Sometimes, we just have to take each others hand and hold on tight. I think that right now is the perfect time for us to do just that. Can you feel me squeezing your hand??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 ((((((((((((((Pat)))))))))))))))) I am so sorry for your sadness, I pray for peace and comfort for you. Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlegirl Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 You are not turning into a bitter old woman...you are grieving. The loss of one spouse at this time of year would be enough to cause an unrelenting pain, remembering the loss of two is unimaginable. Allow yourself time to grieve, but also remember the sun still shines and God has more good times for your future. Hang in there! Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adela Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Pat, You are grieving and that is ok. There is no right or wrong way to do this. Your love for Tom and Brian is to be embraced and celebrated. Adela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen1 Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Pat, I am so very sorry for your losses. I don't know why one person has to encounter so much loss. I am praying for peace and comfort to help you during the next few weeks especially, but always. I can't imagine your grief and sense of loss, but I am praying for you. Thinking of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBeth Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Dear Pat, Thank you for being my friend thru so much. I'm so sorry that your pain is still so raw and you feel so lost and lonely. I'm here for you. Love and prayers to you Pat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted December 12, 2006 Author Share Posted December 12, 2006 I DO feel your love, and your hands holding mine. and I am so grateful. Yes, I am better today..............I should wait 24 hours before I post.................. I am renewing my trust in God's Plan and recalling happy memories of Tom and how faithfully understanding Brian was on the anniversary of Tom's death. (now I have a mental image of those two guys chatting......... ) I can hear it now.... "didn't you hate it when she............" or wasn't it annoying when she..............and hopefully, wasn't she a really good wife??!!!) Thanks to all of you and I never miss a day remembering each of you in my prayers and heart. Love P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Holy cow, Pat, I had no idea!!! That's so much. You are amazing. And you are far from bitter. You've always had such kind words for me when I have posted about my hurt here. And I am happy to see your followup post. All the best in handling these feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeR Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Pat, I can't even begin to comprehend the grief you have suffered in the loss of two wonderful husbands. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Your updated post sounds that you are feeling better and I am so glad. I hope you do have wonderful memories and dreams of these two men you were lucky enough to have in your life. I am sure they are saying how good of a wife you were, because there was always so much love written in your posts and I know they knew they were loved. Take care of yourself. Diane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melindasue37 Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Pat, When I read this post it hurt to hear the pain you are going through. You really have endured a tremendous amount of heartache. I don't know what else to say but that I am thinking of you and praying for you and that I hope you feel both Brian and Tom beside you throughout this season giving you strength to get through the holiday season. Warm Hugs, Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Keep those positive images going! STay strong this holiday, and know I am praying for your peace! Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharonjo Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Pat, I am so sorry for your losses. Having buried my own beloved husband 6 & 1/2 years ago, I understand your pain but I cannot fathom having to go through it all again. You certainly have a courageous spirit and are an inspiration to many. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong! God Bless, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 (((Pat))), God Bless you. Love, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 A great big hug to you, my friend. That's the only thing I have to give. Just one great big giant hug! Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 I hold it true, what'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most, 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all. (Tennyson) (((((Hugs)))) Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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