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My husband seems to be getting worse quickly. The doctor offered any pain medicine in order to make him comfortable and he refused. He wants to be alert enough to fight but he is tired and doesn't have fight left. He wants to survive so he can stay with us but the cancer has taken over. I told him that he is not weak and we will be OK. It is so horrible! I wish this would all go away! I am a wreck. I think it is time for hospice.

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I am so very sorry for you and your family. Even when you are in the fight and know that this is a possiblity, it has to be stunning when it begins to happen.

Knowing that you work and are raising children, I would lean toward wanting you to have hospice help, if he can accept it. Does the doctor feel that hospice is appropriate at this point?

Again, I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. You'll be in my prayers. Please lean on us here.


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I am so sorry. If you think it is time for hospice you need to check out what is available in your area. Try to get recommendations to make sure you get a good program. Hospice may be able to help his pain without making him foggy. Hospice is there for you too-- to help you and the kids.

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I am so sorry that this time has come, he is way too young. Hospice can be a God send at this time, but as others have said, check a couple of them. You need people with whom you are comfortable.

That said, if your husband is not ready for hospice, you really need to play by his rules right now. It is a very tough situation. I will keep you in my prayers.

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I am just crushed to read this.... You guys have been through so much, so fast...

If you go with hospice, and have some choices in your area (I know some places there is only one available option), do investigate if you have time and resources to. Some hospices will continue somewhat agressive treatment while still helping with pain control and support for all of you. Others get pretty nit-picky about 'life-extending measures.'

And if you *need* hospice, but feel your husband may be less than receptive to the idea emphasize the help you need--and that it can be used as a measure to give him a break for now. You can always sign off of it when he regains some strength.

No matter what, we support you and your family. I just positively ache that you all are facing this. Wish I could give you a real hug.

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I am sorry your husband is having a tough time. He sounds like such a determined man so it has to be even more difficult for him to admit he may need outside help. Hopefully he will know when it is best for your family to let hospice help him.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.


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I don't know anything about hospice yet but I wanted to just say you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. My Mom also has Ext Small Cell and was diagnosed about the time your husband was. When you say the cancer is "taken over" did the Dr Say that the cancer has spread elsewhere? Maybe a different type of chemo can be given? Keep us posted.


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I am here for you, I know exactly how you are feeling, yes, your husband is strong, and ones' will can make a person go through the unimaginable with strength and diginity.

Although, Carlton didn't really go to hospice, but I did talk to him about having things set up in our home, just in case he needed them.

My heart goes out to you and your children, it is too much, and I hate the fact that you have to go through this.

once again...I'm here for you


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I am so sorry for what you are going through. Would he maybe just consider a few pain meds to make it more bearable? Maybe he can get stronger if he doesn't have to concentrate so much on the pain. I think it would make it easier on you too. That has to be horrific for you to see him hurting. I will be praying that God eases his pain and yours too. Take care of yourself and keep us posted.



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I wish I could help more but Probably can't. If you think of anything PM Me. I am so sorry to hear this news. I have never had to deal with hospice but I can recommend this Link for dealing with them and Possibly finding a hospice. Sometimes this does not seem to be the right thing, but it is. They can be of great comfort and support for everyone. If you think of something I can help with Pm me. Iwill do what I can do to help out.

Hospice Link For you that may help. I am so sorry to hear this though. Prayers and Thoughts.


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I'm so so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for all of you. My dad (who recently passed) was also a fighter. He always took less pain meds so he could remain as mentally clear as possible. It's so hard. I wish I could do something...you are in my thoughts and prayers. Michele

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I am writing for my mom joanie55- I am reading the posts to her and she is telling me what to answer. We work as a team!! She has been on plently of pain meds and let me tell you she is 100% a fighter. Just because you take meds to help the pain does not mean you are not clear and does not take away from fighting the cancer. Its a choice to be made if one does not want the pain meds. BUT if you want to fight in pain that's the persons choice or you can fight pain free. MY mom is 100% clear and the most amazing person I know...a fighter and just happy she can enjoy her time with out pain- ummm.....its called quality of life. its a shame being in pain wont make you live longer. This disease SUCKS. If you're going to fight it- you might as well take the pain meds to fight it and enjoy your time. once again its one's choice. I wish you the best of luck and whatever one's choice is- just be positive. My mom is VERY upbeat and like I said no pain and fighting- she says she wont leave this earth with out KICKING AND SCREAMING!! Best of luck to all of you!! [/i]

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I havent words to express my heart for you right now. I'm so sorry.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE continue to post, it wil help you and give you a place to express what you may otherwise botle up.

Never hesitate to PM me, you know I'll always be here for you.

Beat it!

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Emphasize that staying on top of the pain will HELP him fight, as the pain is now sapping all his energy. Maybe he can try a pain patch? I am sure there is something that can allo him to be somewhat clear-headed.

Hospice is the dreaded "H" word no one wants to hear, but it can be a blessing for the caregiver. Whether you choose in-home hospice or a hospice facility, They do offer support, and take care of arranging for home medical equipment, meds, everything. However, be aware that many in-home hospices only offer a nurse visit once a week, and a personal aide (for help with washing up, shaving, etc) two or three times a week, sometimes more if required based on need. But it seems that it is expected that the family take on most of the care. Sometimes people are surprised by that.

It was the most difficult conversation we ever had with our mom, regarding hospice services. She was incredulous that it was time for that, but ultimately agreed.

No matter what, I do hope he will accept some pain relief.

I wish it were different, but you are in my prayers.


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Please tell your husband from me that one can fight better when constant pain isn't wearing one down into the dirt constantly... I'm in a great deal of pain every day of my life, and with the help of medication I am able to raise my kids and hold down a full time job and shop for food and cook and drive the kids everywhere etc.

It's easier to think positively, and see clearly, when you're not exhausted from chronic pain.

That said, I'm sorry this dam-ed disease has moved so fast. Definitely sucks.

Whatever your husband is most comfortable doing is what you should do, regarding hospice.

Cancer cannot:

Cripple love.

Shatter hope.

Corrode faith

Destroy peace.

Kill friendship.

Suppress memories.

Silence courage.

Invade the soul.

Steal eternal Life.

Or conquer the spirit.


My prayers are with you and your husband as he continues to fight this beast.

Keep your chin up.



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