3boys4amy Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 This is going to be long, and I am sorry. I am back now from WV from seeing my dad. I was able to get him to sign medical power of attorney over to me instead of his girlfriend and we finally got hospice in to take care of him. When I got there, he was missing over 400 pills. Morphine and Percocets. His GF has two daughters who are known drug addicts. Need I say more? He is now on the morphine pump and roxynal as needed for breathing problems of extreme pain. His Xanax was also missing. He didn't have the energy to open the bottles himself, much less go through the house and hide them as his GF says. I called drug task force and we are awaiting blood test results on my dad. His GF had also been using his checking account and running up huge bills in his name. I have put a freeze on his account. When I got there, his skin was so dry it was falling off. SHe had not been putting lotion on him at all. He was getting up and falling all over the house while she slept right beside him. She still says she could take care of him herself and that we didn't need hospice. Well, if hospice isn't there, he can get the pills (or should I say she can get the pills). He had a great day yesterday. But has gotten worse today. I know that many say you get better before you get worse. My mom owns the home he lives in and has filed eviction papers for his girlfriend to get out. He wants here there, even after what she is doing to him. She gets in the bed and whispers to him that my brother and I (and the rest of the family) don't care anything about him and that she is the only person who truly loves him and that if he loves her, he would tell us all to leave and let her stay there. I have reported all of this to the authorites, but they can't do anything unless I go back to WV because I have POA. Do I respect his wishes and let her stay and him hate his family, or do I let the eviction process continue, press charges and let him find out what kind of person she really is? I don't want him hurt, but I also don't want him hating his family when he passes. I know it won't be long. ANY advice is appreciated. I know I rambled and I am sorry. I hope you can make some sense out of what I wrote. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 I would let the eviction continue. Legally, the process takes a while. Were your father to die tomorrow (which we are NOT expecting, just an example), your mother would play hell getting this woman out of her house and may have quite a bit of damage left. Doesn't sound like she's taking care of him, just helping herself. If this is truly the end for him, he doesn't need a parasite hastening his departure. Hopefully, someone from his own family can spend time with him, maybe even sleep in the same house as him, as the end nears? Worse than the parasite, I would think, would be dying alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welthy Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Can you get an order of protection because she is a danger to your father? Call the police and see what issue can be pursued immediately. This is so unreal that someone would take advantage of a person in your father's fragile condition. Hugs and strength to you. Keep us posted. Welthy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Not sure what age your Dad is but I do know that most counties have a Department of Elder Affairs. These people are really on the ball when it comes to this type of thing. I think Becky Snowflake is right on with her advice. You need to continue on with this and get this woman (and her daughters) out of your mother's house and away from your father. Can you find a hospice facility that will accept your Dad as an in patient? I really believe you need to take drastic measures at this point in time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beat it Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 As if cnacer isnt bad enough, man. I would continue with eviction and all matters to get her out and away. Mostly I think you need to follow your inner voice. You KNOW deep down what to do, sometimes its the pulling the strengh to do it from your toes to accomplish it. Spare nothing to protect him, do what you know is right, have no regrets later. I'll be prayerful for you all. Beat it!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moorech3 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Maybe your Dad does not want to be alone so he is putting up with the GF. Have you asked him if he wants hospice or someone else there with him? Maybe that would make him feel better about asking her to leave. I can imagine how difficult this decision must be for you. I'll pray for God to give you the answer. He always does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley (MLC) Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Oh Amy, I am so sorry! What a horrible situation for you and your dad. I agree with the others that you should continue with the eviction. She needs to be out! How dare they steal from your dad! I'd love charges to be brought against them, but I'm not sure you can do that from where you are. Maybe look into someone else being able to stay with your dad...Hospice or otherwise. is there anyone else nearby that can look in on him for you? Shelley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 As I've said, this is never easy...the OTHER issues besides the cancer don't go away. Whatever decision you make, if it is made out of love for your father...then it is the right decision. And your Dad will know that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Just know that I am so sorry you are dealing with this... And I'm praying you will find a way through this. Many, many (((((hugs))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 OMG, this is so sad. I understand everyone else's opinions, but if she is gone, is there anyone else to take care of your dad? I know your mom volunteered, is she still willing to take care of him? Hospice visits once or twice a week, but it sounds like he needs way more care than that. I am so sorry this has happened. It is just too much on top of the cancer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Oh what a horrible situation. Bless your heart, for having to deal with all of this! I have no answers for you, but do wonder some of the same things others have pointed out. Is there anyone else who can care for your father? How does your dad feel about hospice? Does your dad understand what NOT taking his meds does to him? I pray for peace and for answers for you. Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3boys4amy Posted April 3, 2007 Author Share Posted April 3, 2007 Thanks everyone. I am headed back up there Thursday. My cousin from down here (she lives about 3 hours from me) has volunteered to go stay with dad until the end. I am driving her up. As of right now, the girlfriend is still there. Dad wanted hospice all along, but she didn't. She thought she could take care of him herself. My aunt is there now, his sister. She has health problems of her own and can't stay much longer, so my cousin is going to relieve her. My cousin is also a CNA and has experience caring for elderly and sick patients. SHe was told by the visiting nurses from the VA hospital that she could go sign up, and possibly get paid for staying there with dad. My mom has decided to continue with the eviction process. They go to court on Thursday afternoon. I will keep everyone posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fillise Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 best of luck--your cousin sounds like an answer to a prayer!--Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Yes, sounds like there is a plan to have him taken care of, as he deserves. I pray that the eviction goes as easily as possible, but I guess you have to prepare for the worst in this case. So much love and prayers for you and your family Amy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Just an FYI--It will help with the eviction process to have some kind of police report on the missing medications or documentation. Also, most states have now passed vulnerable adult laws, so she could be prosecuted for taking the money from his check book--it may be worth making a deal not to press charges if she moves out. I've had to do evictions and they take awhile (at least in Michigan). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recce101 Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 [ Ry ] ...it may be worth making a deal not to press charges if she moves out... That might be a very good trade-off. Since you now have good help lined up, it's vital to get the so-called "girl friend" outta there ASAP! Aloha, Ned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 Wow ...what a tough situation. It looks like you are on the right track...eviction and a family member with the skills who is willing to take care of him. good luck. don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEA Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 Keeping you and your Dad in my prayers. Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TamHol Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 I would let everything go on as they are .... logically the process could take awhile anyway for the eviction and charges etc. Emotionally the Gf maybe something he's hanging onto because she's there. That thought alone isn't anything to sing any praise over, but if she doesn't mind it.....let it be. It doesn't sound like he depends on her much more than an extra person in the room. I'm completely open to being wrong on the emotionaly value he holds for her. It just seems to me that he's equally allowing her to sleep while he attempts to go from one place to another. I would take a portion of that as "knowing what you can expect or want from a person at your time of need"....could very well be "just me" though. Hospice will truely take care of him and report any serious problems with abuse or neglect. Your cousin is a great person to make herself available for him. If he's willing to "let her go" the fact that your cousin is there will help that situation I suppose. You have more control over what she is able to do as far as his care and finances. That is the most important and sounds like you've done a darn fine job of creating limits for her. I'm not sure there is much more you could do, I would think the rest would be up to your Dad to do. Tammy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 I am so relieved that your dad will be getting help now from your cousin. She is your guardian angel. I am glad you are finally getting answers for all those road blocks you were amd are going through. My prayers are with you dad and his family. I am so sorry that you are going through all this turmoil. But at least now you are getting results. I would put in a report about the missing pills and the checkbook infomration. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 It sounds as thugh things are turning a corner right now and will continue to improve some what. If ther is teh matter of Meds missing, htis is a serious matter for your Dads sake of course. I think you ar edoing the absolute very best in light of everything right now. Sending Prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flowergirlie Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 I really thought I had replied to this already but sorry, it is a little late. I read it when you first posted but my husband passed the next day, so I suppose I have an excuse for being absent of the mind. Your post is appauling! I am sorry that your dad has had to go through this in the midst of something that is hard enough to deal with. I hope it is helping to have your cousin there. Please keep us posted as to what happens. I would certainly think your mom would want to continue with the eviction process though. Warm Thoughts to you and your family. Flowergirlie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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