DeanCarl Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 As some of you might have noticed I haven't been posting as much as I used to (though I still log on and read messages a couple of times a day). This lack of posting is mainly due to the changes that have been going on with me and my illness lately. A couple of weeks ago I noticed a major drop in my energy level and in my over all body strength. I can no longer do much of the things I used to and, in fact, had to give up driving as of last week (anybody interested in a really nice 1994 Mercury Grand Marquis LS? ). At the same time I started experiencing some pretty nasty bone pain just below my left knee. This necessitated an upage in my pain meds (Vicodan) which lowered my energy level even more and added the ol' "foggy head" syndrom to the list of "things I really don't like about this disease". Add that to the "sick" feeling I get in the evenings and it all pretty much wipes out a good portion of my day as far as actually doing anything is concerned. I still DO have a few hours each day where I'm in fairly good shape and try to get outside as much as I can during those hours. Sometimes I'm just too tired but, so far, I've been able to get out at least every other day, even if it's just a 15 minute "scoot" to the post office and back. So what happens is that when I get on this board I'm often not in a place mentally or physically where I can post much. Either I'm too tired from the day or my mind is in la-la land from the pain meds. I will continue to post as I can as time goes on. I'm taking the time to post this tonight because, for some reason that I don't need to analyze) I'm feeling pretty good this evening. All this is not unexpected and I accept what is happening to my body as just one more step in this journey I'm on. I still take the time (and always will) to notice the new flowers in my garden and laugh at the dumb stuff my two cats can come up with. There's still enough energy to give Gay a hug whenever one is needed (like ALL the time) and to enjoy my new obsession with NYPD Blue (did you know that show is on 3 times a day around here? ... EVERY day?! If I stick around long enough I can catch up on all the old episodes I wasn't able to watch 'cause I worked nights for so long! ). I still cry when I read the sad things that happen here and cheer for the good. Mostly I still live my life as well as I can, one day at a time. As for tomarrow? Well, I'll figure that out when I get there. Dean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bean_si (Not Active) Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 It's good to hear from you Dean, and yes, I've been wondering where you have been. Good for the cats on keeping you a wee bit amused. Even on my downest days, I can burst out laughing at my puppy's antics. Downest = I make words up when it suits me. I figure that's how words came to be in the first place. Somewhere, somebody made them up. So - why not here and why not me. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyb Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Dean, It is good to see you post. I am glad you can still enjoy the little things in life that make you smile. You and Gay are always in my prayers. Much love to you both. Shirleyb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Dean, It shouldn't take an illness for us to appreciate the little things in life. My computer is on the table in the kitchen and I look out on the most beautiful scenery - all seasons. We have bird feeders hanging off the deck. (Remember, the Duke broke his ankle trying to retrieve one). This time of year we have the most gorgeous gold finches. All year we have downey woodpeckers, morning doves, etc. In winter we have cardinals, blue jays (nasty birds) junkos, sparrows, too many to name. Many times while I am on the site I have to pause to enjoy my friends outside. We should all pause during our day to enjoy the things that make us happy. Life, no matter this disease or Becky's beer truck, is fleeting. As sad as I am for my dear Earl, I try to have some happiness and joy in our lives each and every day. God bless you, Dean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addie Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Dean ~~ I haven't been here very long, but it doesn't take long to notice what an important part you are of these boards. Your way of looking at life...and how you express it....is an inspiration, comfort and so often thought-provoking for others. I look forward to your posts....to seeing what you have to say and even if I don't always reply to them...you can bet that I consider your words, always. I'm sorry to know that your energy and strength have flagged...but I'm heartened that you continue to seek and find joy in what life has to offer...be it a short scooter trip, time for those frequent hugs or the antics of your cats. In my case, it's two dogs providing the entertainment....but I sure do understand what you're saying. Keeping you in my prayers, Dean...with admiration...and hoping you'll adjust to the meds and feel up to posting more...because we miss you when you don't! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Dean, Thanks for the update.It's good to hear from you.Sorry you are selling your Gr Marquis,they are and always were a great automobile.I sold Lincoln and Mercury products for a lot of years.(also Cadillacs a long time too)I am glad you find pleasure in pets ,scenery, flowers ,etc.Those things always bring Connie and I a lot of pleasure as well.You and Gay are in our prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeTaa Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 So sorry to hear you're not feeling as well, but so glad to know that you're still able to see the beauty in life. I wish I could send these two little girls of mine out there to keep you entertained . . . Thanks for keeping us posted, and let us know if there's anything we can do. And go give Gay another hug - this one from all of us. Love, TeeTaa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Dean, so glad you took time to post. I was thinking about you yesterday and praying that you were doing okay with the path you chose. It is a shame that none of us notices the beautiful things around us until something like lc hits home then our lives change and we see all the beauty that sounds of each and every day. The creatures God created to keep life enjoyable. I miss your postings for they are so full of wisdom and love for nature. Give Gay a hug from me for I know she needs one all the time. This is extremely hard on her too.....Much love my friend.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 It is good to see you post, Dean. Thanks for the update. Lucie likes NYPD Blue, too, and also Law and Order -- she can find one or the other every day almost at any time. I like the "doink doink" sound on L&O and the frantic scene at the beginning of NYPD Blue. Keep us posted when you can -- and relax, guy. Love ya! Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
espy Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Dean, Thank you for your update. I am always interested in reading about how people are doing. I'm sorry that your disease has now progressed to the point of your not being able to drive. Your extreme lack of energy must be disappointing and frustrating, yet you seem to be making the best of things. My thoughts are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Cheryl- Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Dean, Your posts are missed by us all. I too, appreciate the beautiy of nature. I can't imagine what heaven must be like, if it is grander than the planet we already occupy. I live out in the country. and I have a huge colony of Barn Swallows that come every spring with generations of family following them. They have taken over our pourch and car port. I don't care, I rather enjoy them. We have learned to co-exist. I have blade marks all in the post holdin up he front porch, where Jack killed big old King snake, who attempted to eat some of the Barn Swallow eggs. I have a small vegetable garden that has really flurished this year due to the rain. My mare will foal soon and I am excited about that. My stallion is so full of himself, that he he runs and bucks like a wild bronco showing off his gymnastic abilities for us all. This is my sanctuary, my small piece of heaven on earth. I thank God for my life each and everyday. These are the small blessings that make life so sweet. God Bless you, and may your pain subside soon. Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Dean, No matter how high or low your energy level may be you still continue to inspire me to enjoy the simple things in life..I hate that LC has brought us here thats the bitter part, but I am so glad to know you and that is the sweet part..Will keep you in my prayers... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elnodel Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Dear Dean, You were one of the first people to respond when I first got on this board (only six weeks ago) and explained my husband's situation and I will never forget your wisdom and encouragement then. I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with pain, fatigue and the disorienting effects of medication, but your post shows that you haven't lost a bit of that wisdom and resolution that sets you so apart from so many of us. My husband, too, has discovered the NYPD Blues marathon scheduling and has become hopelessly addicted. He disappears into the bedroom to get his fix which gives me a chance to sneak back into the livingroom and massacre my cello without inflicting too much pain on him! Thank you for helping us all remember to be aware of the beauty by which we are surrounded n.b: I do NOT include my cello playing in that category!). I hope that you will find some energy returning and that you will continue to post to us. Ellen[/i][/b] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmynatt Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Dean, Glad you are still able to enjoy the simple joys of life. My husband's illness has made me appreciate these things much more than I ever have before. Your priorities seem to change at a time like this for the better. Take care and hang in there. Post when you are able. When you aren't able, we will understand and will be praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy P Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Dean - I have spent most of my time on this sight just reading and taking everything in and your posts are always of great interest to me - your wonderful positive outlook on life (and life with cancer) reminds me so much of my Mom. I am sending warm comforting thoughts and prayers your way as you deal with these symptoms. Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Dean - It was wonderful to read your post and just to bask in the "deanness" of it.... You always have something meaningful and wonderful to say.... I enjoy your thoughts and so glad that you are still sharing them with us. I am sorry you are feeling poorly, know that I think of you often and you are always in my prayers. Love, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
osirus226 Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 I love reading your posts because they are always so well said and you are one of those people who cherishes all those beautiful small things in life. I love that. Gay must be one lucky lady. Im hoping that your energy will return to you so you can get outside more often and enjoy the summer months. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Daughter of Bill Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Dean It is sooooo good to hear from you. I'm sorry that you are not feeling well. My Dad hasn't been up to par either. He's been extremely tired. It's very aggravating for him not to be able to do the things that he used to do, so I can sympathize with that. Hope you are feeling better. Angie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Dean, I look forward to reading your posts, so I was glad to see your name on this one. I am very sorry to hear you are feeling worse and in pain. Maybe they can adjust some of your pain meds so that they don't zonk you so badly. Our garden consists of 5 tomato plants...which we planted late. They are really growing with all of the rain we have had so maybe we will have tomatoes by late August. Its funny, by then it is almost time for early frost. Its fun to watch them grow anyway. We just should have started them earlier. I think of you often Dean, both you and Gay. I hope you have many more lovely days and weeks and months together. Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBone Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Hi Dean, I am sorry that things have gotten worse but I know that you are prepared for it.What an inspiration you are to me.I am suffering the same feelings about posting.I log on and read posts and get bummed out and don't really feel like I can contribute anything meaningful.We get really attached on this board and I just feel terrible that we all had this happen to us.Praying for us all and for you to have more good days to enjoy.TBone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyCW Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Dean, like Sharon said, I was glad to read your post here and bask in the Deanness of your words again. I am sorry you're losing energy, glad you're still enjoying the good parts of life, and especially glad you still have lots of hugs for Gay. You're both in my prayers, BeckyCW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Dean, I am saddened to read that your windows of energy are fogging around the edges and that your medication to ease pain eases thought, as well. On the other hand, I am SO GLAD that you live on the sunny left coast and have so many WONDERFUL things to be aware of, that it's normally a nice temperature, the sky clear and the flowers alive in a sheer orgasm of color (sorry, it was the ONLY word that expressed it..LOL)... How wonderful that you have someone so special to hug, two wild kitties to keep you smiling and blooms to keep you in awe of all the wonders of the world. At least the scenery on your journey is worthwhile and so many companions! Even if we don't share the same exact car, we are, indeed, on the same train. Thank you for inviting us all into your bright compartment and sharing your story with us. Keep posting, Dean, I miss you when you're not here. Love always, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelliemacs Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Dean, I have tried 4 times to write something. I am so full of emotions over the fact that your not feeling great. That your not driving anymore. The safest thing for me to say is I am truly in my heart of hearts hoping every day that a miracle happens for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Dean, Thank you for sharing your view through the window of clarity you have each day. Reminds me to be thankful of every breath, every molecule of wonder around me.... and of every dear soul on this board. You all mean so very much to me. Hugs to you and Gay, XOXOXOXOX Prayers always, MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debaroo Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Dean, I am so glad that you were able to post and to update us on how you're doing. I havn't been around much, but have thought of you so often, and seeing your post made me smile, despite of the fact that I am sad that your energy levels are down and I hope that the pain is relieved by the meds. I dont' know what to say, Dean, except that through your journey, I hope that you know that, though not physically present with you, I am thankful and honored that I can be with you through this board. I hope that it makes sense and dosn't offend in any way, I'm feeling rather inarticulate lately. Please take care, dean, and give Joy a hug, too. Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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