Remembering Dave Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Why, oh why are people so hateful. this is an email we received from a member here at this site. Begin-- " Don't let this know it all run you off. She popped off at me the other day and I have never communicated w/ her before. " You can spare me the transparent lecture. It's people like you that turn potentially useful and informative message boards into nmt a hangout for hopeless handholders that sugarcoat everything. All useless babble for those of us serious about fighting the uphill battle against cancer. Good luck. People like you need it. End--- I have lung cancer and in the pm my wife is being accused of not being serious about about fighting cancer. My wife has been unfaltering in the support of me and others here on this site as well as in person here were we live to others we have met who are fighting differing kinds of cancer the best way they can. As far as a "transperant lecture" we have received so many positive coments supporting her statements and pesonal actions she has undertaken to help others that this accusation is just ridiculous. As far as he being a "hopeless handholders that sugarcoat everything" I think anybody can see that she does not sugar coat anything but is brutally honest about her feelings. The majority of us here are supportive of each and every member here who are fighting this disease and we are also here for all of the the care givers out there. Unfortunately some people feel it to be their job to take the bitterness of their personal situation out on others who post in need of support and then others feel the need to backstab. Please, please, please folks, if you don't have anything supportive to offer to someone in need do not post hurtful words. Folks here who are seriosly bareing their souls and fears need support and positive advice and not hurtful sarcastic replies and backstabs. And if someones attacks or says hurtful words to any member of this board then do not be suprised if someone gets upset and speaks their mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyb Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Karen and David, I am so sorry that this person has caused you additonal pain and suffering. Like you both haven't already had enough. Much love, Shirleyb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 And the one thing I want to add is that there are many ways to fight this disease. I am not an activist, and I am not a chemist, and I am not a physician. But I can be a hand-holder. I can try to do for others what y'all did for the love of my life in her last year: endow her with hope and support and love. That's fighting cancer, too. I am proud to fight beside you both. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitkathi Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 David & Karen, It seems like you are dealing with a pessimist. I am very sorry that your wife received an insensitive, thoughtless, and down right mean e-mail like that. We all need hope no matter what the "statistics" say. I say keep on "keeping on". Everyone here is "serious" about fighting cancer. Optimism is certainly a healthier route to wellness than pessimism. EVERYONE could use (whether admitting it or not) a little hand holding. Shame on you to the author of that e-mail!! kitkathi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Dear David, I think people who do things like this are usually people who are scared and hurting, just as we all are, however they have become embittered and angry. In their anger they lash out at anyone and anything. I think we have to feel sorry for them. Please let the harsh words run off your back's, we all know how valuable your and Karen's input has been on this board! Keep posting and God Bless you both. Paddy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvmydog2 Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 I feel the need to chime in here with my 2 cents worth. Like Curtis, I am not a doctor. I can not do anything to physicaly help any of you that are on this roller coaster. However, I can be there to listen to you, and if need be, you can have my shoulder to lean on. When you are down then if I can pick you up and help you to "keep on - keeping on" that is what I intend to do. If I have to hold your hand to do this then so-be-it. This disease affects us in many ways and any one of us could take a turn for the worse at any time. I am doing well right now but should I take a turn for the worse then I hope that someone would return this back to me. I hope no one takes this response personaly because it was not intended that way. I don't know who wrote Karen the letter and it makes no difference anyway. I'd do for them what I'd do for anyone else. Now lets all and put this behind us and get back to business.... like helping others on this journey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Oh poohy, just what Karen needs right? Hey Karen if you are reading this I thought of you in an earlier post about roasting bosses and I wanted to roast yours Anyway, let the PM go right over your head into the river where it belongs. No wait, your river should not be polluted. Stand in teh bathroom adn flush it!!!!! It makes me so angry when people can be thoughtless. BUT, here is what you need to focus on, the author obvioulsy has really severe emotional issues to feel the need to pick on Karen, so instead of being angry or offended, feel sorry for the author Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 David and Karen, I think we have all been in this situation before, poison words from members who feel that their "honesty" is refreshing and that offering hope is somehow sugarcoating and useless handholding. So, if we are all to "face reality", maybe 85% of our posts should be negative, as according to statistics, 85% of outcomes are negative. Maybe 15% of us should be upbeat and happy at all times while those in the "other" camp should just quit our whining and get on with the task of dying. Maybe we should divide up on the basis of gender, or age, or smokers vs. non-smokers, or region, or stage, or level of rudeness and lack of compassion... Reality would state that none of us should have ever "met" since we are all from such diversity. God knows, I would NEVER spend time with anyone spewing that much venom, in fact, in real life, I'd tell them where to go and EXACTLY how to get there (and anyone that doubts that can ask my husband...). My tolerance for children and pets has grown, my tolerance for obnoxious people has hit subzero. Go figure! There are things in life to make time for, there are other things to just walk away from... We are all in the same boat and it is truly sad to see someone not only ignoring the need to bail but drilling holes in the very boat we are trying to save! As Woody from Toy Story would say, "Play nice!" Hang in there, my fellow warriors, "friendly fire" is a new issue in our war, but not in wars in general. Please, stand up to the negativity, do not succumb to the terror that such words can breed. We are a small group, we need to stick together and stop the constant picking! Some people seem to need a Time Out... If ya'll can't say anything nice, keep your flippin' mouth (fingers) shut! This is getting ridiculous! GEEZ! One very P.O.'d Snowflake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nancy B Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 David and Karen, Everything Snowflake said. Please don't let this get to you - just consider the source and think how miserable this person must be. You are both very much loved and relied on. Thanks for being here for me, for all of us. Love and hugs Nancy B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAnn Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 David and Karen, Like everyone said, you both are an asset to this board and you should not let the words of someone who is obviously not dealing well with this disease affect you. We all know the kind words and support you have shared with us all and thank you both for all the "handholding" you have done. I for one could not get by without it. TAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hebbie Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 TAnn ~ I couldn't have said it better myself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
betplace Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 (((David & Karen)))) You know I sure am happy to be one of those handholding sugarcoating fighting for my life and yours and even fighting for the life of that miserable so & so who sent you such a lousy PM people. I'm glad you are like that too! If that idiot doesn't know, it is the cockeyed optimists that make this such a wonderful place for me to hang out. I need that handholding and such. We Love you!! Blessings Betty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeTaa Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 Okay - so now I need the name of that wench at the adoption agency AND the selfish, insensitive so-and-so who sent you that message. I'm hoping Angie in Alabama has some of that tar and feathers left over, cause I think we need to send it your way! This board wouldn't be what it is without your family. Don't let folks like this get you down. It's simply not worth your time. Praying for us all, TeeTaa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeTaa Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 And one more thing - you can hold my hand (and I'll hold yours), sugarcoat things (and I just might do the same), and even give me transparent lectures (and again, I might give you one too) anytime you want. I need y'all. Hopefull y'all need me. And y'all need others of y'all. So let's be there for one another and let this stuff slide off our backs . . . after the tarring and feathering, that is. Still praying for us all - and yes, us ALL, TeeTaa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 David and Karen, I am so sorry you had to be the brunt of someone's negativity. Glad you shared it with us. You two hang in there. You have lots of support from the rest of us. Cancer does weird things to people sometimes and that is the only excuse I can think of. Shake it off and move on with posivity (is that a word?). Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 I just don't understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Daughter of Bill Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 Dave and Karen, I'm so sorry that you received that e-mail. I, for one, need my hand held right now. My Dad has stage IV lung cancer and that scares the wits out of me. I have no siblings.......only a husband, two young children and a mother who divorced my father when I was three years old. In my "real life", I don't get very many hands to hold on this journey. I'm so glad that I have all of you to hold my hand.......even if it is a virtual hand holding. It sounds to me like that this person is very angry at cancer. I can understand that.........BUT, there are constructive ways to deal with anger and there are destructive ways to deal with anger. This is obviously a destructive way. I have a feeling that the anger is destroying this person and affecting those who love him/her. Please.........whoever you are, find another way to use your anger. It is not good for you, your loved ones, or any of the members here. Sorry that Dave and Karen were on the receiving end of this anger. I greatly appreciate both of them!!!!! Love to all! Angie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 This is LCSC, which stands for Lung Cancer SUPPORT Community. I looked up the definition of support: ... to carry or bear the weight of; keep from falling, slipping or sinking; hold up...to give courage, faith, or confidence to; help or comfort...to give approval to or be in favor of; subscribe to; uphold...to maintain or provide for (a person, institution, etc.) with money, or subsistence... ©1995 Zane Publishing, Inc. Through the grapevine I learned early this evening that I'm No. 1 on this person's worst list as a troublemaker, which has supposedly been backed up by some un-named others. I am NOT a thick-skinned person. In fact, if we had a contest, I'm sure I would win the most thin-skinned person award. This hurt me deeply. I spent all evening reading through my last 200 or so posts and every single post contained words of encouragement and support to someone. I couldn't find a single post to back up this charge. I only recall posting one sarcastic post to someone who was very angry and used some strong unkind words toward someone, but I deleted those words shortly after I posted them because I knew in my heart that it just wasn't a nice thing to do. Other than that, I can't find anything to substantiate this charge, so I choose to not own it. I read all of your very wonderful posts to David and Karen tonight, and if David hadn't told us about this, and if I hadn't read all of your wise comments, I would have never posted on this website again and take a chance at being hurt again. Like I said, I hurt easily, and with the death of my dad, my husband's cancer, and the problems with our son, I don't need to voluntarily go someplace where I am going to be hurt some more. I know I need to work hard at thickening my skin, and my friends, that's exactly what I am going to try to do, because I am going to stay here and give you all as much support as I possibly can, whenever I can. I can't promise that I will stay forever, but I'm not going anyplace anytime soon. Like it says in the definition above, if I can type only one sentence that keeps even one person from "falling, slipping, or sinking", my mission is accomplished. You have no idea, you just have no idea, how much I care about each and every one of you. Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NellW Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 David and Karen, I consider myself privileged to be able to hold a hand, say a prayer, or give any kind of comfort or encouragement I can for anyone of you. I love that this board is a support (ie hand holding or whatever gives hope) for families and friends and well as lung cancer patients. Please do as everyone has said and FLUSH these harsh words. We need you here. Love, Nell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justakid Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 Thanks Dave and Karen!!!!!!! Guess it worked though cause now I'm mad and instead of holding your hands and crying I'm holding them with my chin held high ready to take this treatment on! Thanks again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 I agree with all of the positive comments made. Like snowflake I have no patience with unkind people, no matter what the reason. Karen, David and Peggy, about all I can offer is the suggestion that you put this person on ignore. If you get a message from them ...delete it...if they post...don't read it. We need you folks and I for one, love all of you. I want my hand held...I want prayers....I need all of you and hope that I can help some of you at times. I try to let you all know that I care and want to be here. I hope the person that is causing the problem reads this thread and decides that they need a change in attitude. Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annjael Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 Geesh,,, I wish I had known of this fine group of handholders when my husband was so sick. I think the willingness to handhold, and have a soft touch with words, when others are down, to me anyway, is something this whole world could use more of. I just hope I can give back as much as this group as already given to me. Peace Annjael Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 ((((((Karen, Dave and Peggy too))))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berisa Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 David, my english level is not good enough to understand what s/he was talking about. But, please know that you can't change others but we all big friends are here to support you and Karen. Hang in there. You have us...... Don't let this negative / hurtful feelings to enter into your life. It's not worth. Right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 I agree with Paddy, this is a hurt person. Just take it as it is - this is how he relates to the world for reasons of his own. It is just his opinion and that is mostly relevant to him, not to you. Stand4hope, you are a steady voice of reason and comfort. You are a blessing to us. Jim and Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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