Carleen Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 The last two days I've been feeling extra cruddy. I think it is the numbness wearing off, I don't know. All I know is I feel all day long the same feeling I used to get right before going into the oncology office to hear results. Very anxious, scared, lump in my throat, can't breathe, world is spinning, and I just know I'm going to end with instant diahhrea. I miss Keith so much today, and it didn't help that I had to look at a house today in my price range. I'm pretty much have to sell my house, and sell it like yesterday. I'm about $1000 a month short of making my mortgage. So, I went online, got a mortgage calculator to see how much of a loan I could get on my new diminished income. Ok, I new I was going to be taking a big step down from what I'm currently living in, but I didn't realize how big a step. I currently have a 2364 Sq ft home that Keith and I built 2 years ago on 5 wooded acres with a pond and a park like setting. It is in a beautiful suburb, very safe and small town feel but close to the city. On my salary apparantly I can only afford homes that range in the 800-900sq ft range, are about 50 years old and need repairs. The house I looked at today... well the term "outhouse" pretty much describes it. It was about 900 sq ft, in the middle of the city in a sort of rough neighborhood (and one that is getting worse each year), less than 1/4 acre lot, and every room smelt like mildew. The largest bedroom was about 10X9 but didn't have a closet, the living room was about 12X10. The back yard was small but nice with 1 mature tree, but there was no back door to get out to it. I'd have to go out the front door and walk around or go out the garage. I have a king size bed, a 5 peice living room set, big screen projection tv. I can't afford to buy all new furniture. Where will I put everything? I felt terrible all day anyway, and then seeing the lifestyle I'm now going to be forced to live it felt like someone kicked me in the gut. It's just all too much. Why does God hate me so much? Why must I lose everything in my life? I don't understand, and my will to live this life is getting less by the day. I'm sorry I don't mean to worry anyone, I'm not doing anything about it, I just wish with all my heart for God to take me home to Keith. There is nothing here for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 You need more cowbell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 (((((((Carleen))))))) I'll come to the party, and bring the ice cream. What kind is your favorite? There just aren't any words for me to say. You've been through so much and I hate that you have to face more loss. I hurt with you and I care and I send so many hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 Carleen please make sure that you have someone to look out for your financial security before you make any financial decisions. I just want you to be careful not to let your grief cloud your financial decisions and that you are not taken advantage of. Prayers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blaze100 Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 Hi Carleen, I'm getting out the fat free frozen yogurt and pouring Kahlua all over it! I know you have to move, and I'm sure you know the options, but just to go over them one more time. Have you considered, staying in your home and getting a roommate or two to share expenses? It might be better to have others around. Or putting some things in storage and renting a townhouse/apartment for a few years. It must be hard letting go of the memories in the house you and Keith built together. It's impossible to understand why life has to be such a painful struggle - Now what could God have been thinking? I didn't know Keith, but surely he loved you very much. I think if I ever have to move upstairs and leave Jerry behind, then I would want him to be strong and not sad. Did you and Keith ever talk about this? Oh Carleen, maybe I've made you feel worse... I am so sorry you lost your Keith. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 You have every right to have that pitty party Carleen. You were kicked in the gut and having to deal with finances just adds to the problems you already have. I don't know if it would work or not but is it possible you could rent your house for enough to cover the mortgage? That would give you time to get your head on straight and decide what you want to do permanently. You could try renting a condo or townhouse or even a large apartment. Don't make any decisions too quickly. You are just not in any condition to do that. And no God doesn't hate you any more than he hated me. I know how it feels to feel betrayed by your faith. It took me a long time but despite all of those bitter feelings I have come to believe that without God I am and have nothing. So party away Carleen. You have a right to do that but don't ever forget that there are a lot of people on this board who have a lot of love and respect for you. That has got to count for something! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TracyD Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 Carleen, you have every right to wallow in it. You've been through so much, having to leave yours and Keiths home is just wrong. Please don't give up your house without consulting a financial advisor, there are other options, some of which have been mentioned by the good folks here. I am praying for you. Tracy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 Carleen I just wanted to send you huge hugs and prayers for strength and guidance in this new life you have begun. I have no words of wisdom and I cannot even say I truly understand as I don't. I don't think any 2 people experience loss the same way, really. Please heed the advice about a financial advisor as there are so many options that may apply to you. You are in always in my thoughts and prayers, and you will continue to be, Hugs and love, Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdjenkins Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 Carleen, I'm so sorry that you have to deal with financial worries at a time like this. You should be just taking time to heal yourself. Have you considered refinancing your home. There are a lot of mortage products out on the market today. Some allow you to pay interest only for a few years. With some time you may be able to better afford your home. This would give you some time to grieve before making any major decision. Please seek the advice of a Mortage Banker before making any big decisions. I'm sure there is a way for you to stay in your home. Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 Prayers and hugs, sweet Carleen. Please think about some of the other options that have been suggested. You are always, always in my prayers. Love, Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 Carleen, I would suggest splitting up the 5-piece living room set and setting up the second bedroom like a den. King size bed in 10x9 is possible if it's up against the wall on one side. I would NOT suggest settling for a home in a bad part of town since you are living alone (AND are one hot chick). Try looking at townhomes or condos or large apartments. If your income has reduced very drastically, check into the low income housing in the area (NOT the projects). Do you have any equity in your current home? Do you think you'll have a problem selling it at market value or higher? If you'll cut a bit of a profit, you may be able to put a down payment on something better than what you've recently viewed and have a smaller mortgage payment... Living in the midwest, have you thought of buying in a small town and having a modular home? I know that at one time with a smaller income, I could get a turn-key brand new double wide with a garage, well, septic and drive for $400/month. I didn't do that because things didn't work out for me in that direction, but it IS possible. Wallow for a bit, set a deadline for the pity party, and pull yourself up. God doesn't hate you, you have your health, a job and possibilities. Slow down the spin cycle and look around with an honest eye and make the most of the positives. You're pretty smart, too, THINK before jumping into anything - if the real estate agent isn't a good friend or trusted family member, remember that it's all about the money for them and NOT your welfare. Hang in there, it's dark now, but the sun will shine on you again. I promise. xxoo, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teresag Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 Just adding my agreement to the many good ideas said above, and a hug for you, Carleen. Talk to Keith about your problems; he will help you make a good decision. ((Carleen)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 Hi Carleen, Good advice from Snow... Don't just jump into something you are not happy with. After all you are going to be living there. Take your time looking, something will break for you. I feel that. Maybe you can get a housemate just for awhile, while you search out places to live. I just don't want you to rush into anything with blind eyes. Plus it may take a little while to sell yours. You seem to have a lot of property, is there any way you can sublet some of that land? I will come to you party and will bring the booze, as we can all use some of that!! take care sweetie, thinking about you as always. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 Making decisions right now is just too hard. I tried looking at condos and apartments and smaller homes, too, but it is too soon to look ahead when the past is so fresh. Talk to your mortgage person. You can do all kinds of things to cover payments for a bit..........financial institutions really will work to help you if you start before you are in a hole. Talk to the money people first. Don't make assumptions with regard to what you can or can not afford. The old math is not applicable anymore. There will be a way for you to postpone decisions for at least 6 months and probably a year. That is what I am doing............just doing what I have to do to make sure I don't make a mistake by moving too soon. Our house is way too big.................and I spent a ton of energy just trying to keep it up. BUT I am afraid of jumping from the fying pan to the fire. Breathe, honey, and ask for help. It is hard to do, but you will be amazed at the folks who really have good advice and who really want to help you. Hold on Hold on Hold on I am holding on with you. Lots of love P (PS if we get to that point we can start a commune in Beloit or Janesville...............midway for us and anyone/everyone can join so that the pity parties are well attended................) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinC1973 Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 Carleen, I'm sorry things look so desperate right now. I wish you could hold tight a bit longer, but I just don't know if that's an option for you or not. Hopefully someone will be able to give you some financial guidance to make things not seem so terrible. There has to be a way... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail Posted August 6, 2006 Share Posted August 6, 2006 Definitely sounds like a tough day!!! I am sure it brought everything smacking you in the face. Do you HAVE to make a decision right now? Anyway to avoid it? gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hopeandstrength Posted August 6, 2006 Share Posted August 6, 2006 I'm sorry, Carleen. I have been missing my dad like crazy today, so feel some of your pain. It's different, of course...but there. I think you have good advice here from our friends. Just to make you feel a little better..our house is 1260 square feet and although it is a nice subdivision, it is considered a semi-affordable home in this area. They are currently selling at about 520,000. Yeah, we love Ca, but that is a bummer! Good luck, sweetie. Hang in there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted August 6, 2006 Share Posted August 6, 2006 Talk ot a financial Officer at your Bank before you do anything. They probably have a way to help. Would hate to see you move right now for no reason now and know this is your Comfort zone.Sending Prayers FOr you and Let us know if we can help with anything at all PLEASE!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KerryToo Posted August 6, 2006 Share Posted August 6, 2006 Have you found out about your survival benefits from Social Security yet? From what I understand, you receive an amount from SS to assist you due to your hubby's death I've seen the statements that state, "if you were to die.... your survivors would receive $xxxx amount per month." I hope that this will fill in the extra $1000 you need to stay in your beautiful home that you shared with Keith. Kerry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted August 6, 2006 Share Posted August 6, 2006 Carleen, Can I BYOSD (SD for soft drink)? If I can, I'll join you and you can have whatever you want!!!! Somebody maybe already suggested this because I haven't read all the replies, but could you possibly find a nice apartment to rent in a safer neighborhood instead of buying? I can understand that you have to downsize, but I would be concerned if you are living in a bad neighborhood or an unsafe place..... Pity parties are allowed, acceptable, and expected. Did you ever stop to think that if we DIDN'T have pity parties, or these hard times with grief, that it would mean our marriages didn't mean very much to us? My brother is the one that told me that. He said he was "glad" I was having one of those hard times when I called him. Through choking tears, I asked "Why would you say that?" He said "Because it shows what you and Don had together." You are blessed, Carleen, to have had such a wonderful marriage. Later, those memories will bring smiles to your face. Hang on, girlfriend! WE can do this! Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlegirl Posted August 6, 2006 Share Posted August 6, 2006 Girlfriend YOU are entitled to a pity party and I ain't talking 'bout no ice cream. I will bring the margaritas! You like yours with salt or without? I'm sorry you are facing financial issues and struggling to keep your home. Talk about adding insult to injury! Life just is NOT FAIR! God does not hate you, but I do not understand why he is testing you so. I wish I had some advice to offer and I wish you were close enough to actually drink this margarita! I'm praying that the God you think abandoned you will provide a way for you to stay in your home!!! Lots of HUGS and Hang in there, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joanie55 Posted August 6, 2006 Share Posted August 6, 2006 Carleen, One of the first things you should do is take a deep breath and relax. Don't rush to do anything. I'd like to send you a worksheet that helps you in detail figure out your expenses. This was my business until I went out on disability. I don't want to pry, but if there is any money, that could be invested for "income" and that may help bridge the gap. The best thing for you to do is speak to a highly recommended financial planner. (i would not walk into anyone without a recommendation). If I can be of any help, please feel free to pm me. Wishing you only the best. Joan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted August 6, 2006 Share Posted August 6, 2006 Social Security Pays 255.00 Benefits unless you are over 65 is the way I understand it. Then you can collect full benefits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted August 6, 2006 Share Posted August 6, 2006 Carleen,I'm sorry you are having these problems. This is also one of my biggest worries knowing when my time is up my wife is going to have a tough time making ends meet. Hope good solutions and better days are very near. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda661 Posted August 6, 2006 Share Posted August 6, 2006 Carleen: I'm sorry you have to deal with the financial worries in the middle of "the cruds" of loss -- that's the part that just rots big time. I agree with the others in finding a good financial support person to help you -- there may be options that you're not aware of. I don't think you qualify for Social Security benefits like Randy is talking about, but I could be wrong. The $255.00 is a one-time payment when a spouse passes (but I think the spouse who passed has to already be of retirement age and on SS); Here's a link to SS that might help you check it out at some point: http://www.ssa.gov/ww&os2.htm "Buying time" by investing savings money you don't need to touch for a bit is a great idea, Joanie -- that's actually what I'm doing to help make ends meet right since I don't even have a paying job right now. The investments don't have to be risky either: You can actually get some great CD rates these days and earn in the neighborhood of 5.4% on very short term investments now (like 6-7 months); you can get pretty close to that even on 30-day CDs -- every penny of income helps! Be kind to yourself right now and keep letting us know how we can help during this difficult time. Linda Edit: Period removed now after htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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