Andrea B. Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Things have gone from bad to worse in mere days. My dad and I have decided we need to call in hospice to help my mom and us in her final days. I never imagined that I could endure such pain. My dad is barely holding together, so I am trying to help him and myself. I am barely eating or sleeping...the anxiety is taking over. Then on top of everything I feel guilty for wanting my mom's suffering to end. I don't want her to lose her dignity and I feel that I can't begin to officially grieve. Hospice comes tomorrow. Please keep us in your thoughts for comfort and strength in the coming days. I am filled with utter sadness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 I am sorry to hear your mom is losing her battle with the cancer. Hospice will be a great help to you and your family. I am so sorry Andrea. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Dearest Andrea, I am so so sorry, Hospice will help in ways you wont believe, they are very special people..I will say some prayers that God does what is best for your precious mom.. I know how unbearable the pain is for you now, praying for strength for you as well.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Dear Andrea, I am so very sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Dear Andrea, Just wanted to let you know your family are in my prayers. Oh.... I am soooo sorry you all have to go through this. Hospice will take a lot of the weight off your shoulders and your dad's too. Your in my thoughts and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
espy Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Dear Andrea, I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through right now. I know it must be tough to admit that it is time for hospice, but hopefully you will feel some relief once they begin their support. I have heard nothing but great things about them. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carleen Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Andrea, I am so sorry that your mom has taken this turn. I pray continuously that she turns it back around. It has happened to others and can happen again. However, there is nothing for you to feel guilty about. There is nothing but love involved in not wanting your mother to suffer. When I pray for my husband I pray for a cure, but I also add that if it is not God's plan that my husband stay with me, then my only wish is that he not suffer. You're mother is the first person in this life to share a true and unconditional love with you, and it is a bond that never deminishes but grows closer and stronger throughout life. She loves you, and knows you love her. Wanting her to have her dignity and comfort is not a betrayal of love but a testiment to it. You have more strength than you give yourself credit for, and these unknown reserves will spring forth from wells unknown and help you through these difficult times. But if you find you need additional support, I am always here for you. If you'd like, PM me and I will give you my phone # and we can talk anytime. Lots of Love and prayers Carleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Andrea, My prayers will go your way, for your mother, father and yourself, the strength you will find for her. J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
betplace Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 ((((Andrea)))) I am so sorry and I am praying for the Lord to give you and your father strength to endure what you must, and of course your Mom has my prayers as well. Blessings Betty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Prayers, and hugs for you and your family. May you find the courage and strength. gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bessb Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Andrea As always I will be praying for you and your Mom. You have been such a wonderful caring daughter to your Mom all through her illness and I know God will give you the strength you need to get through this. Please do not feel any guilt about not wanting your Mom to suffer any more, it is only because you love her so much. I took care of my Mom until she died and after she passed on I had no guilt feelings at all, I did everything I humanly could do for her in her lifetime and I only felt peace at her passing and I know you will have that feeling too. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Bess B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 There is nothing wrong with you wanting your mom's suffering to end. That is very normal, and very human. You love her deeply and don't want her to suffer. I am sorry you have to go through this, but I know you have the strength to do so. My prayers are with you all. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Dear Andrea, Like the others, I too am so sorry you have to go through this. Please try to not feel guilty for wanting your precious mom's suffering to end. I was with my mom almost continuously the last two weeks of her life spent in the hospital and with her around the clock the last four days (she too had lung cancer). I grew closer to my mom in those two weeks than I did in the total previous 49 years and I wouldn't trade those precious moments for anything. Those last four days, however, I did pray that God would just take her and stop all the suffering once and for all. He did. I was with her when she drew her last breath and cried like there was never going to be a tomorrow, but inside I was so happy that she didn't have to suffer anymore. Guilt is not allowed - it's ok to feel the way you do! May God's love, peace and comfort come to you in abundance at this difficult time!!! Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MO_Sugar Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 (((((Andrea))))), Prayers for strength and healing being sent your way. Please don't feel guilty for wanting the best for your Mom. I did the same with my Mom when she passed. I told her I loved her and it was ok for her to come "home". As hard as it was (and still is) I DO know she is in a much better place and I WILL see her again. Wish I could give you a hug in person cause they help alot! God Bless, MO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaKB Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Dear Andrea, I can just imagine how much pain you are going through right now. Please know that your and your family are in my prayers. I am still hoping for a miracle for your Mom. Hugs, Theresa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gerbil runner Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Andrea, I'm so sorry your mom is not doing well. May God give you strength in the days ahead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Daughter of Bill Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 So sorry that your Mom is not doing well. I will be praying for strength and comfort for you and your Dad. I really HATE this disease! Angie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelliemacs Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 andrea, i wish there were words that I could say that would put all this in the place you need it to be to make sense. snowflake (becky) replied to my despairing post yesturday (down day, getting sadder in SCLC) and if I could figure out how to paste it here I would. She wrote me something her uncle wrote her and it really helped. It really really just put a sense of minor peace in my heart. i wish I could stand beside you right now and hold you up because I know loosing your mom is the worst pain (to me) on earth. I can hold your hand through spirit for now and if you want to talk please pm me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Andrea, Praying that God will lend you and your dad the strength to see this through in love without the guilt... and praying that your mom is not in pain. Sending you hugs to let you know you're not alone, we're all with you in spirit. It's a sad thing to face, it is. God bless you for being a loving and devoted daughter. Peace, XOXOX MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Andrea I am so sorry to hear that your Mom is suffering so. I know it is a helpless feeling for you. Please don't feel guilty about not wanted her to suffer any longer - that is called LOVE. You will find yourself going into "auto mode" at this point. You will become stronger than you ever knew you could be... and I think that is Gods way of helping us get through this. Please take full advantage of Hospice, spend every second you can with Mom and tell her everything you ever wanted her to know... it is so important. I have been there. Please PM me if you need me. Much love and prayers, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Andrea, if I could I would be there to help both you and your father through this. These are very hard times in one's life. YOu watch and you wait and all through that you hope and pray for mercy for your loved one. No one wants to be there but "we" must. We could not have it any other way. We must help our loved one cross that bridge as peacefully as possible. That is why they have relied on us all these years to be there and to help them when needed as they would have helped us. I will pray hard for your mom, you and your father.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephnewyork34 Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Dear Andrea! I am soooo sorry and I know exactly what you are going through, when I first heard that Mom was going into a hospice, (about 3 weeks ago) I was so devastated, and then she died that week (the 27th) and I still am in shock. I still want to ring her and talk to her, and it sucks. I won't lie to you, it is sooo hard, but I am here for you. I am in Denmark but will be checking my email. I hope you get to spend some time with her, and tell her you love her. My mom wasn't really concious when I got to the hospital but I styed with her all night and made jokes about things talked about 24 and american idol etc and then I toldher how much I was going to miss her, but I didn't cry that much in front of her, because I wante dher toknow it was alright for her to go if she needed to. It was sooo hard, but she squeezed my hand a coule of times and the she woke up pulled me towards her and then said she loved me, and that was the last thing she said. I can tell you and your Mom are also very close, and I wish you weren't going through this and I wish I didn't but we can only deal with what is happening, niot what we wish wasn't. hospice is great care and you'll see that. BIG HUGS, Stephanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Oh Andrea, I am so sad, this must be so difficult for you and your Dad. I will say extra prayers for your family in this blessed season. Ginny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Andrea- You will do what you need to because you love your mom and dad desperately (it's obvious from your post). I very much regret that you must endure this sadness and pain. Prayers to all of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea B. Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 Thank you to each one of you for posting and giving words of love and encouragement. I honestly don't know how I would have made it this far without your support. Through tears I read your posts and can feel the caring in every word. I know I am not alone and so thankful to have you to help me. I want you to know how much it means. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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