niececola Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Hello Friends, By now, you have heard from Andrea that my dear mom passed away this past Saturday, August 28, 2004. Thank you Andrea, my sweet sister, for posting the terrible news. I wanted to just update you all on the last week of my mom's life. She went into the hospital the week before on Saturday with terrible shortness of breath. She dreaded going back into the hospital b/c she knew then she would not get out again. She was right. We tried desperately to bring her home, but we just couldn't. Home hospice care in NY is not all we thought it would be and we were just too nervous that we could not care for her the way she needed to be. Earlier in the week, she started talking about the end and her funeral, what she wanted to wear, what kind of flowers, that she wanted to be buried in "a wall" as she put it and not in the ground. It gave her comfort to talk about these things, she had accepted what was happening and was "ok" with her impending death. She starting asking for people to come in to say goodbye and she relived some wonderful memories with the family she loved so much. It broke my heart when she asked my cousin Kathleen to make sure her son Patrick remembered his Aunt Sharon. On Wednesday my Mom got a very unexpected visitor, Clover! The hospital ok'd a visit and I jumped on the chance, she was just overjoyed to see her dog and Clover could not be contained, she practically smothered my Mom! The visit did not last very long after that! I spent every night, but one, with my Mom since Saturday. I was with her almost every minute, with the exception of 15 hours, the whole week. I bought her red velour jogging suit that she wanted to be buried in from Target. I felt a little bad the outfit was so cheap, but it was so beautiful and if she were still here today, it would probably be her favorite thing to wear. I am so blessed to have been able to do these things for my mom. I prayed every minute that I would be there with her in the end and I was. I fought so hard for everything all week, I really felt that I had not been there when my mom was laughing and feeling good and I was starting to feel sad about that, but all that changed in her last hours when she grabbed my hand so hard, I knew she knew I was there and she needed me. In the end, it was just my Dad and me and that was how it was meant to be. The wake is today and the funeral tomorrow. As many of you know, I am just feeling empty and void of any emotion right now. I am only somewhat relieved that she is not longer suffering, I thought that feeling would be stronger, but it is not. The wake is just beautiful, the room is overflowing with flowers, she would have loved it. I made up a picture board of her, so many pictures from over the years and so many different hairstyles! I knew my mom like to change her hair, but never realized how many times! Some of my friends have asked if I will leave this board now that Mom is gone. Absolutely not! I know some days I will not be able to come here b/c the pain will be too much, but there is no way I could leave for good. You have all gotten me through some of the darkest periods of my life over the last 11 months, 24 days, I am not sure how I would have made it without all of you. And when some of the grief passes, I am praying that I will be renewed and be able to take up the fight against this beast. Because I am mad, LC patients are overlooked and barely given a fighting chance and I hope to change that one day. Blessings to you all, Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bean_si (Not Active) Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 I'm sorry Denise for your loss. I'm glad that your mom got to see her dog - what a wonderful thing for the hospital to allow. My prayers are with you and your family. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Denise, I am so sorry for your loss. Many of us on this board understand exactly what emotions you are feeling right now. Time is the only healer and just be patient with yourself through the time. Parents are very special people. My heart aches for you at such a sad time. We are here.... Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Denise, I hope it doesn't sound strange, but you were truly blessed to have had that last week with your mother. The way she prepared for the end was a gift of love that will comfort you in the weeks and months of grief you're now facing. Thanks for sharing the experience. Your mom must have been a very special and loving woman, and I'm sorry she had to leave you. Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Thank you for that story, Denise. Your mother fought with bravery and with love, and this last week will bring you comfort someday. Not today though. But know that your family is in our thoughts and prayers. There will be brighter days ahead, but that is no comfort now. Please do stick with us to comfort us as well as be comforted by us. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margaret Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Denise, My prayers for comfort and peace are with you and all your family in this difficult time. May the knowledge that you cared so well for your Mom through this ordeal make your grieving more bearable. You have done for your Mom what anyone would want at the end of life...surrounded her with the love and care that she needed to be able to let go of the pain and find rest. Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babesdaughter Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Denise....the picture I have of your mother in my mind....with that beautiful smile and a wonderful, soft red jogging suit is priceless. You are a wonderful daughter, she is a wonderful Mom This is an incredibly painful time in our lifes....Moms and daughters...not too many things better. We'll get through it because we were raised by incredible women.... Raising a glass (okay, it's a plastic Disney mug of coffee) "Here's to strong women: May we know them, may we be them, may we raise them." Bless you in your journey..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natalie Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 I'm so sorry that you have had to go through all this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Denise, I'm very very sorry to hear this. Please except my condolence to you, your family and friends. Rich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
betplace Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 ((Denise))) My friend, for I think of you that way, I am so sorry for this terrible loss you have sustained. I pray you have the strength to face the days. However I am glad it was a peaceful and dignified ending and peace is a balm that will help along with time to heal your soul. Blessings Betty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Dear Denise, I am so sorry...I know how unbearable the pain is right now, it breaks my heart to see what this beast is doing to our loved ones..Please do stay with us, it helps when you can express how you feel and someone really knows what you and your beautiful family have been through...God Bless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haylee_38 Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Denise, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom alittle over a year ago and I can relate to how you are feeling. I am glad the hospital allowed the dog a visit. I know how special pets are and the comfort they bring. My thoughts are with you and your family. Haylee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Denise Please remember that love never dies. Your mom will be with you always. I lost my mom forty years ago today, and she is with me still, so I know. I imagine your being with her at the end brought her comfort and strength. Love and fortitude elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 Denise, I am so glad that you were there for your mom. I can only imagine your pain. I am speechless right now, but I want you to know how much I care about you and how honored I am to be your sister. Anytime you want a break from it all you have a sister on the west coast who would love to take you to Disneyland or trot down Rodeo Drive. (Sorry for the plug, I just want to meet my sisters sometime ) Oh, and that was so nice of the hospital to allow Clover in I will talk t you soon. Please know how devestated we all are for you. My mom sends her love and prayers too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 Denise I am so very sorry to hear about your mother but glad you were able to be with her. My deepest sympathy.. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jana_W Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 I am so sorry. Jana xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeTaa Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 What a gift your presence was to your Mom. I'm so sorry for your loss. Praying for us all, TeeTaa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tess Posted September 2, 2004 Share Posted September 2, 2004 It was so good that you got to spend the last week with your mom. It just seems like God blesses us us some strange ways, but now that she is gone, don't you feel at peace? When I lost my husband, I was so sad, but so happy for him that he was in heaven now with Jesus and NO MORE PAIN! Its just so hard to let go, but in the end it is a relief. I had to accept God's will and know that He knows what he is doing and most of all, trust God's words, they they whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. God Bless you, you are in my prayers. Tess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donaf Posted September 2, 2004 Share Posted September 2, 2004 Denise, Thanks for giving us a "snapshot" of the last days with your mother. You say she held your hand so hard, and I know that she was telling you what a wonderful daughter you were to her. Sending prayers your way. D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gerbil runner Posted September 2, 2004 Share Posted September 2, 2004 Denise, Your words show a lot of love for your Mom. It's good you were able to stay with her. Prayers that you will find the strength and peace you need in the days ahead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJ Posted September 2, 2004 Share Posted September 2, 2004 denise, your words are so eloquent. i know that your family is so proud of you. even though i have never had the chance to meet you, you have helped me so much throughout this past year. i cannot thank you enough. my prayers continue to be with you and your family at this most difficult time. God bless you, mj Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 Denise, My heart goes out to you on the loss of your mom. XOXOXOXOX MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 Denise, my heartfelt sympathies on the loss of your mom. You have made her so real to us here. I'm glad to hear you will stay on with us. I wish you peace. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall54 Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 Dear Denise, What a gift it was for you to be able to spend your Mom's final week with her, to talk about the way she wanted things and to show your love for one another. There is nothing happy about death but I do believe as others have said there is relief that their pain and struggle is finally over and they are with God. I am also a firm believer that time heals all wounds as I am healing day to day from my Brother's death. You too shall heal and your Mother will always be alive in your heart and memories. You will see here again when God calls you home. My prayers are with you and your family. God Bless You All, Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 Denise, I was so very sorry to hear about your mom. You were so attentive to her and took such good care of her that I know God is beaming with pride. You will miss your mom, as I miss mine, but you will forever be grateful that you were able to spend that last week with her. I spent the last week or so with my mom in the hospital (day and night) and I will treasure the memories for the rest of my life. May God wrap His loving arms around you and all of your family and friends and hold you up as you make your way through this difficult time. Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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