Cheryl,
Efffusions can be malignant or not. I am so sorry about your mindset right now. I certainly do understand it. There was a time when new nodules were popping up for me from WEEK TO WEEK. They did stop though. For me it was Iressa (and then Iressa with Celebrex) and for others, different chemo stabilized or eradicated their tumors. Something will put you back on the path again and you will regain your fight. In the interim, we all have to freefall sometimes. You just got all the wind stolen from your sails. It is more that alright to mourn - until you go to battle. I am crossing my fingers and saying prayers and wishing you well.
Lisa