Angie Daughter of Bill Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 A couple of days ago I felt as if my heart was breaking. Well, it's official......my heart is broken. I took Dad to get his scans this afternoon. The tech asked us to wait to be sure that all of the CT's (brain, chest and abdomen) turned out o.k. (seemed rather strange to me........they never do that) We were then instructed to go straight up to the medical oncologist's office. Dad's oncologist sat down, put one hand on my shoulder and one hand on Dad's knee and informed us that the disease has progressed to his brain. I asked how many mets........the oncologist didn't have the final reading. (the radiologist called up to let our doctor know about the mets) All that we were told was that there are "several areas of disease in the brain". SEVERAL! Not one or a couple..........but several! They immediately took Dad over to the treatment area and gave him IV Decadron. The doctor did say that there was significant swelling in the brain. (wonder WHY he never had a headache if there is significant swelling in the brain?) My Dad is so upset. Bless his poor heart. He of course is fearing the unknown. He is sooooo afraid to lose his mental capacities. My Dad has not cried throughout this journey........not once.......until tonight that is. He cried almost the whole way home from the oncologist. (and that's about an hour) I somehow held it together to encourage him and let him know that we have fought for so long and we are going to continue fighting. We are scheduled for his radiation to the spine tomorrow. The oncologist said that hopefully the radiation oncologist will have the reports in the morning and will see us to discuss whole brain radiation. (if Dad wants to do that) When I got home, I went straight to my room. I went with the intent to have a "meltdown". The tears wouldn't flow. I'm just too numb. Totally numb. Just when we thought things were looking up.........only two more radiation treatments to the spine.........starting Alimta Friday........how fast our course changed. We are now holding the chemo it seems. (that doesn't sound good to me) I'm so scared to get the rest of the scan results. Please remember us and hold us up in prayer. I'm just not sure how much longer I can hold it together. I HATE CANCER!!! (but I love all of you!) Bittersweet, huh? I have come to love so many of you, yet the reason that brought us all together is just devastating. By the way........did I mention I HATE CANCER??!!!! Angie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Oh Angie... My heart is breaking for you. Please, Please don't surrender your fight until you hear what the Onc says about radiation... This is so damn scarey.... I am sorry you are going through this - Love, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Angie I am so sorry. I hope you get better news tomorrow. Keeping you all in my thoughts. love and fortitude elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Angie, I am crying so hard for you, I am so sorry, I dont know what to say. I hope they can zap the brain mets away. Sending love Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Oh Angie, who wouldn't be devasted? Your poor dad. I am so sorry you are going through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 dear Angie.. I am just so sorry to hear this... My heart is sinking too. I had such high hopes for your dad. My biggest fear are brain mets too. I just hate the thought of it. So, I am very very sorry to hear this, dear. All my love and prayers for you and your daddy and your family tonight. Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nancy B Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Angie, I am so sorry to hear this news. You are being so strong, but it was probably a good thing for your Dad to cry just to relieve some tension. Now, tomorrow just get up and fight some more. Just never give up. (I know, easier said than done). I will say extra prayers for you guys tonight and I just want to mention that my Mom in Florida is a great prayer warrior and she prays every night for everyone on this board. I will send her an e-mail for special prayers for you and your Dad tonight. Take care. Love and hugs, Nancy B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Oh, Angie, my heart is broken, too. I really didn't expect to hear you come back with this, especially after they treated him for dehydration. I am so sorry. Believe me, I know how scary it is to learn about the brain mets. Your post brought tears to my eyes as well as memories of that first day we got the news that my husband had 8 of them. I, too, was devastated and in shock. My prayers are with you and your dad that not only will he be ok after treatment, that his other scans will be ok, but also that his fighting spirit will return and he won't be so devastated. You know I'm praying, and just remember that God lreally does love you and your dad, too! Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 I am so sorry to hear of this, Angie. I wish there was something I could do or say to help. Know that he and your family is in my prayers. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Angie, I'm so sorry to hear this.I'm sorry for you,& I feel so very sorry for your dad.No one should have to go thru this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimmek Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Angie I do not know what to say, this scares me so much, as I know my day will come to be in your shoes. I hate everything about cancer lung cancer anyway. And yes its really strange how this board is amazing and its all about cancer. I am so glad we have it. You are in my prayers and thoughts May god bless us all Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daggiesmom Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Dear Angie, I'm so sorry to hear this. Your Dad is a strong man and he's dealing with so much and so are you and your family. We're all here behind you. Please let us know how things are going. Joanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KC Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Angie, I am so very sorry for your pain. I have walked in the exact shoes you are in right now. My dad lived with my 2 year old daughter and I for the last year of his life. It was the best and worst year of all our lives. My father didn't cry through the two + years he had the cancer, but when he did towards the end, somehow I was able to hold it together for him and not cry in front of him. The one thing he didn't want was for me to see him like that and I wanted to remain strong, in front of him at least. You are doing a wonderful job, you are a good daughter and I'm postive your Dad knows how much you love him and he loves you the same. I know you know that, you don't need to hear it from me. My father's last Christmas together was last year. He didn't even come out of his room to watch my daughter open up her presents. I think it would have been to difficult for him knowing it was his last. He didn't pass away until March, but I believe in his heart he knew something was terrible wrong. Although it was never official, I think he may have had brain mets at the end too, BUT......please don't give up hope, Angie, please. They can take care of brain mets, it has been done. Now that your father knows what he is up against, he can continue to fight it, if he chooses. I know this is devastating, and my heart breaks for you. I wish that I could offer you more support, but I know that the support that we can give from so far away does help somewhat, but in your heart, you feel very alone. Please know that you are not. We are all here for you. I am praying for you and your Dad and family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randired Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 I am sorry to hear about the progression of the disease. My heart goes out to you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendy Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Angie you and your family are in my prayers. Your dad is really lucky to have such a wonderful, caring and supportive daughter in his corner. The unfortunate part of this whole cancer "biz" is that it is so hard on the family and loved ones. I wish you strength as you go forward in this journey. Wendy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addie Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Oh, Angie....how I wish you and Dad had gotten better news. Please know you're in my thoughts and that I'm wishing you both the strength to get thru this next phase of things. Sending you both all good wishes for a turnaround and successful zapping of the brain mets. Hang in there, sweetie..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Angie, I know I'm just a newbie, but know that I am praying for you and your Dad both... I'm so sorry to read this news, and I hurt for you and your daddy. I send you many ((((hugs)))), warm thoughts, and many prayers. Val Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Cheryl- Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Angie, The pain you must be in right now has brought back some difficult memories for me. The time was Christmas 1985, my Dad's lung cancer had entered into his brain stem. The only treatment then, was cobolt. Your whole body literally got radiated. They couldn't treat my father with cobolt since it was too dangerous to mess with his brain stem, which controlled his heart and lungs. As tears fill my eyes, I wish that I were there to comfort you sweetie. There is so much they can do now for brain mets. There is even a chemo that enters the blood brain barrier and improves radiation's effects, why there are drugs to lesson the effects of WBR. Onco doc help me out on this. I'm drawing blanks on their names. It is not the end, and times have really advanced medically since 1985. I met a woman with 33 tumors in her brain a few weeks ago, and honestly could not tell. I hold on to hope for you and your Dear Dad. I refuse to accept defeat on this! I am here for you. All of my love and prayers, Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annjael Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Hi Angie,,,,,My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your dad. This cancer is a horrible, unpredictable disease. Please hang in there, and try to be as positive as you can for your dad. The oncologist treating my husband gave up way too soon, I believe. When the doc gave up, so did my husband. I wish I had known about this group, and all I have been taught here about lung cancer. So many more meds to use even in 3 yrs, its amazing. If I could do it all over, that doctor would have been trying anything and everything, I would have insisted. Try to take one step at a time, remember to breathe, and don't give up hope. Peace and blessings Annjael Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Oh,Angie, It breaks my heart to know you and your Dad are going through all of this right now. I hope he will want to fight with all of his might against this latest invasion. Of course he is very upset. Anyone would be that way. I guess its up to a higher power now to encourage him to do whatever is right for him. I hope he decides to fight. WBR and new drugs are out there now. Many on this board have gone through it and are still here with us with very bright minds. It is my worse fear as well, so I know it must be that way for your Dad. I have you both in my prayers and espcially tonight. I will look for your post tomorrow night after you find out what your choices are. Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berisa Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Dear Angie, my advice is to get the WBR as soon as possible and try to start chemo as soon as possible. This is what I learned from my own experience. I will keep you and your dad in my prayers. Don't be too upset and worry. Try to comfort your dad and spend more time with him to let him know he will be ok and fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Very sorry to hear that Angie. Prayers for both your father and you. Rich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Angie, This news saddens me so much - so sad for you and your Dad, and it brings back too many sad memories for me. BUT, keep you chin up. Earl started with brain mets and ended with brain mets. He never ever had any pain from them nor did he really lose his mental capabilities totally. He had trouble with reading and concentration but not trouble with holding an intelligent conversation. In fact, 2 days before he died he was answering questions on Jeopardy. So, it is absolutely not the new you wanted. But as others have said medicine has come along way baby and I am sure the docs are going to offer your Dad an agressive course of treatment. We will all be praying for you. Love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
betplace Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Oh Angie, I am so sorry to hear this! Hugs and prayers going out to you and your Dad. Blessings Betty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelliemacs Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Angie, my mom had several areas in her brain too. 7 as a motter of fact. they were all zapped with WBR. her only symptoms were her left hand, she had difficulty making a fist. that was it. that was the only symptom. she did not die from brain mets either like katies dad, she had 15 wbr treatments and was tired but her appetite went up dramaticially on the decadron. she gained weight on it. punch something but rally for a new fight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.