I've been told to stop whining by PM

[Justakid]

At first I wasn't going to respond to the PM, but far be it from me to keep my mouth shut. With respect to the board and Rick and Katie I will try my best to remain composed. Sorry for the typos, didn't sleep last night.

I will try to quote or copy it for you to read. I will say that my late night PM-er apparently doesn't know me as well as other members here do.

I will try not to get petty but two days after this chemo treatment I now have strep throat and am feeling pretty damn shi##y.

So as not to get too long, I will recap just a bit about my treatment to let my PM-er know where I am coming from. I can not tollerate the benadryl that is given with the chemo, nor the steriods, or pretty much anything else that is given for treatment. I have been in the hospital 6 times in 7mths because of treatment, etc, etc. And my relapse occurred 4mths after treatment (no healing time here). Perhaps you should read my 500+ posts and then determine if I need to be witch slapped or stop whining.

I come from a dysfuntional family filled with police officers, if you think I don't have a backbone or am strong you are far from the truth. Although I find it difficult to walk to the bathroom I DO walk my 8yr old 4 blocks to his school when I take him, not to mention my 13yr old is in the top 3% for standardized testing in very large county here in VA. Things like that do not happen when I mohter sits on her *ss and doesn't participate.

The reason that I come here is to complain and whine and witch so that I can be at a better place with my children.

What is the saying about walking a mile in someones elses shoes......I would trade with you in a heartbeat! And I have extreme compasion for your father and his illness, I can only hope you do not tell him he needs to be bitched slapped should he whine or complain.

Once again thanks for letting me go off again, it makes things easier for me!

Listed below is my PM:

You need to stop whining. You're gonna live and you need to let that great kid of yours know this. Take another Xanax, do what you have to do to keep up the front.

MY dad has SCLC, his cancer is all consuming of my thought but I find time to monitor these boards daily. I'm 39 yrs. old and by my smoking history I should be in the same boat as you, only my kid is 13. If I were giving up and feeling sorry for myself I'd never let anyone know. Get a grip woman, regain your strength and fight, not for yourself but for him.

Sorry to be hard on you, facing death is not an easy task, but you need to be witch slapped back into reality. The kid needs you, put on your gloves and get back in the ring

[shelliemacs]

Beth,

I don't know what to say. I am at a total loss for words and cannot justify anything that was written to you. I am trying to come up with some logical reason for this but I am completely dumfounded right now.

I don't know who this person is or what there circumstances are but I do not find you to be whiny or any of the things that were written. If I were wearing your shoes, I would not even be able to come to these boards for the sorrow I would be feeling for myself.

I am sorry for this person Beth,

I find you brave and courageous beyond comprehension.

edit: if this person is brave enough to type this pm to you, share there name with all of us so we can thank them personally for there compassionate nature and will show the same support when this person is in need of support for there father.

[JaneC]

Beth,

Wow - that totally s*cks.

I really understand about needing to let down in a safe place so you can gear up for your kids. This should be that safe place and I think all of us moms with cancer here know that.

[Haylee_38]

Beth,

Do not let that pm get you down. Who ever sent this to you is very

insensitive and does not have a clue.

Really we need to feel sorry for such a person. This person who sent

the pm must have so much anger that they feel the need to release

this on someone as sweet as yourself. { sad }

I am sorry Beth, you had to be the target. I sure would not let it get

you upset. You have a full plate to deal with. Do not let another person

ignorance bother you at this time. { or anytime }

Hang in there girl. We all love ya and are on your side. Haylee

[Hebbie]

While I am certainly not defending whomever sent you that harsh e-mail, perhaps their intention was to "motivate" you to persevere and not give up, for yourself as well as your kids? Of course, there are better ways to get that point across.....

Hang in there, Beth! I think of you daily,

Heather

[Ry]

So ummm...I am thinking fundraiser here. How much would you pay to witch slap justakid?...I bet Cindi would open up the pub.

Sorry Beth, but if you don't laugh about some of the stuff on here you'll go crazy. Hang in there. This too shall pass.

[cindi o'h]

Wow,Beth.. those are some very harsh words that I am reading. ouch!!!

Let's open a can of whip-*ss on this one!

Let's get over to smiley central and go for the baddies!

Download that avatar of who you are today. And let's kick some butt!

And you come here anytime to unload.. I think you are a very wise and good mother to do that. One of the best..you know that I know and so do you!

I will email you with some stuff.

You've got my support.

Cindi o'h

[Pamela]

It always amazes me when someone feels the need to "straighten you out" like that. Too many people think there is only one right way to deal with anything -- their way.

I am sorry for the pain this caused. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone.

I'm glad you brought this to us openly. When a person is dealing with the things you are, being "witch slapped" could have knocked you to the ground emotionally. I'm proud of you that you bounced back with fight.

Hang in there. You're a wonderful mother and your kids know it.

By the way, I went through the lung cancer fight with my father. Being the daughter is NOT the same thing as being the one with cancer. I watched my dad and I read all the posts here and I feel admiration and deep compassion for what you endure daily. I suspect I would not be nearly as strong as you, Beth. You amaze me.

Pam

[daggiesmom]

Beth,

Channel your energy towards getting better and don't waste it on this jerk! They are in the same category of person as the idiot who insulted oncodoc and made him leave. What goes around, comes around. I'm wishing you a good treatment result and peace today.

Joanie

[shineladysue]

(((Beth))),

I want you to know that you are an inspiration to me. You are one of the most courageous members on this board. Please know that you are loved by many here. I'm not sure of the writers intentions, but I would like to think that in some way the person means to be helping. At first , I saw red when I read that message and then the part about motivating you to fight jumped out at me, so I'm not sure. Just don't let it bring you down and know that no matter what emotion you bring to this board, we can relate. I find your honesty very refreshing and in my opinion it takes an incredible amount of courage to expose your own weaknesses.

Now, what about this strep throat thing? I wonder did they give you a vitamin B12 shot about 5 days before treatment and also daily folic acid tablets. It's my understanding they are to help prevent any mouth sores etc. Just wondering. I do think if you research Alimta you will find they are part of the treatment. Take care of yourself Beth. Keep us updated and whine all you want to if that's what makes you feel better.

Love and Prayers to you.

Sue

[Frank Lamb]

Beth, after reading that persons post several times I too think mabe they were trying to give you reason to find strength to fight back at the cancer.

I always say on here that I'm not very good with words.After reading that I guess mabe I'm not the only one.But even so I would like to think they were intending to be supportive not confrontational.

[mhutch1366]

Beth,

Hang in there, kiddo!

Whine all you want.

Being a parent with cancer sucks the big one.

You do what you have to do, to be able to do for your kids.

If you haven't had cancer, you have NO ROOM TO SAY WHAT YOU WOULD OR WOULDN'T DO. It is a life shattering event.

Beth, hoping you won't let this hang you up.

Love and hugs,

XOXOXOX

MaryAnn

[Remembering Dave]

I don't think it's a very appropriate way to motivate someone.

I believe in motivation with positive thoughts and actions.

I've met Beth's family and they are awesome. She has the best kids in the whole wide world. She's a great mom and they love and ADMIRE her.

AND BETH - CHANGE YOUR AVATAR - let's see a smiling face! Or something goofy like you, girlfriend!

Karen

[Remembering Dave]

besdies which, what is with that term "b____ slapped?"

That's the ugliest thing I've ever heard. I don't think I even understand it. Why would anyone use that term to someone with cancer?

Karen

[Addie]

Sometimes, it's not WHAT you say....it's HOW you say it. IF....and it's a sizable "if" to me.....that PMer was trying to encourage rather than berate....his/her choice of words was horrendous! Someone should be signing up for a communication course, STAT!

And isn't it interesting too, just how EASY it is to send off a message like that when you have the anonymity of the net? User names. The ability to troll and make up an identity. The ability to lie. Get ugly just for the "fun" of it.

I think we all pretty much know that those things aren't a huge issue around here. We're here either because we HAVE lung cancer or love someone who does. This ain't a party place! But that doesn't mean someone can't sneak in here to have some sick fun with the sick people, either....does it?

You have to wonder what a person gains by kicking someone when they are down?

Here's one for you...much less troublesome than your PM....but I talked to a "good friend" the other day. First time in months. She's one who disappeared when I was dx'd, but calls (it appears) if I have a crisis or relapse. Of course she'd heard of my relapse and wondered if there was anything she could do!

I said, simply, "Not really, but thanks for asking. It would be nice though to hear from you once in a while". She and I had that discussion a long time ago...about her not being in touch and how it hurt my feelings, so this was NO surprise to her.

Do you know what she said in response?

She said, "I will make a concerted effort to do better."

I hung up wondering why it takes a "concerted effort" to pick up the phone or send a card to a good friend?

I decided it doesn't....and despite my saying to her that it would be nice to hear from her....I have no expectations. I think it's time to give up the ghost on that friendship.

Beth, I'm sorry you had to contend with this too. Keep your focus and try to just reject it when someone feels the need to contact you privately to berate you. We all need a little kvetching, self-pitying, complaining and fearful time. You don't get thru those emotions by stuffing them, only by working THRU them.

I raised my kids hoping they saw me as human, not God in some form. I made mistakes. All parents do....but letting my kids see me as honest, and sometimes emotional, wasn't all bad.

Forget the PM and the PMer....there are plenty more of us here who understand. Hang in there.

[elnodel]

Dear Beth,

Now that you've put that misguided pm on the forum, just go ahead and pay "no never mind". You whine, witch, moan all you want -- you are certainly entitled, even though you don't do much of it. We all share our worries, fears and hard times with each other; that's what this is for, among other things.

We know what a fighter you are -- so battle on...we're behind you!

Ellen

[kitkathi]

Geez Beth isn't the purpose of this board to be supportive and let people rant, whine, complain etc? This is a "SUPPORT" community. I'm so sorry you recieved that PM. It is pretty lame for someone to kick you when you are down. That isn't motivation, it's a cheap shot.

Their opinion is only (1), there are a lot of people who think otherwise!!

Kitkathi

[Fay A.]

You know, there are some people for whom it takes first person perspective before they really "...get it...".

I would not wish upon anyone that they "get" what we've "got", Beth. But it will require Prayer for me today.

[SDianneB]

Well, that wasn't only a dumb way to try and encourage you, but misguided, because if you really knew me, you'd know that I have the patent out on whining. Yessirreebob. And I will not relinquish my title gently either. So there.

I have a sign hanging in my kitchen -- have had it forever. It says "No whining." If I had a spare, I'd be sending it to you right about now!

Keep your chin up. Laugh at it like Ry says. Someone was trying to help and just made a wrong turn. It happens. You've had a rough time of it -- I can't imagine having all that to deal with myself.

Di

[chloesmom]

Beth,

I'm so sorry to see that you had that experience. I don't think you do any of the stuff that PM said you do. I hate when people decide they can tell others how they should be feeling when they have no idea whatsoever what it's like. Keep "talking" to us. Listening is the least we can do.

Cindy

[Andrea]

Beth,

Like others said, perhaps the person was trying to motivate you, but had a bad way of doing it. Sometimes there are problems with online communication because it is hard to get the "tone" of the message from the sender.

I personally find I love to whine and share my fears at LCSC. It helps to know I am not alone in my neurosis and if we can't lean on each other when we are down, what is the point of LCSC.

Hang in there Beth!!

[K and Kids]

Beth,

I don't have much to offer other than my prayers and best cheerleading voice "GO BETH!". I don't take your posts as whiningsp? ... we all need to vent and those of you here certainly have more than the average bear to vent about.

Take care of yourself and know that you are in the thoughts of many.

[Don M]

Beth: I have been reading your posts and know that if I had to go through what you have endured, I would have a hard time maintaining. I might even whine. I have had it easy compared to you. Besides, this site's purpose is to garner support from one another and if we just suffer in silence, grin and bear it or whatever, what is the point of the site? We would all be a bunch of silent stoics just mumbling I'm ok, happy to be here nonsense to one another.

Anyway, I suspect that the guy who pm'd you may regret his message. It sounds a little impulsive.

And, I think you may be on to something with the fungus thing. Look into that some more.

[ginnyde]

Beth,

That PM is beyond my realm of comprehension.

This site is for all the good and bad feelings, whining, bitc-ing, moaning, laughing, crying, complaining and on and on. A place where those of us touched by this lousy disease feel at ease with whatever our feelings are at the minute of each post.

I feel that someone who would send something like that is jealous of you, needs to try and bring you down to their level.

I have no time, none whatsoever, for any member here who directs any personal criticism to any other member here. I believe that is intolerable.

Remember, that you ARE better than this person. And remember, you can whine all you want here sweetie, we are here to listen, support and pray for your treatment to make you NED.

Love,

[cathyr]

Beth,

I, too, think this person was trying to motivate you and chose a bad way to communicate that. Sometimes its better to say nothing than criticize somebody else.

I hope you are feeling better today.

CathyR