Jump to content



Recommended Posts

  • Replies 50
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Hi Peggy..

Just want to say that I am glad that you saw the counselor. He sounds like a good one. You are not burdening us with a darn thing. We care and we want to know what is going on with you, "hubby", and boys. You need to get it out. (easy for me to say, hard to do).

Love ya, girl.

Cindi o'h

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is certainly not a "fair weather friend" sort of place. When you need to tell us you aren't coping as well as you'd like, well, that's what we're here for.

I hope you and Don will share many more good times together. Even though things don't look hopeful right now, it's not over. Enjoy every day and keep an eye out for new possibilities.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


I'm so sorry to read your post about the spread of this disease. Don had been doing so well for awhile. I don't know what to say to lessen your pain or to make the road ahead easier for you and Don. But by all means, vent away and vent some more. You've supported so many for so long. Now let us have a turn.

You and Don are in my prayers and thoughts.

Gail p-m

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dearest Peggy,

I dont know really where to start. I did not lose my husband but did lose someone I dearly loved and another just recently. I know how very hard it is to watch them go down hill. I watched and like you did not say what I saw him hide. His pride was important too I knew. I did have that talk though when the time I felt was coming closer and got all the information that was important as his wishes etc and then I let him say anything he wanted but I found that in anything in life we were an open book and this book he kept on the quiet side. He was the one with cancer but heard how bad I was doing from someone so when he visited the next time ... what did he do but bring ME roses!! He hurt more because I hurt. He wanted to make me happy but nothing really could but for the cancer to go away and stay away!! Knowing that was not going to happen we just continued on this journey. Peggy, you know me and I dont usually say these things but it SUCKED !!! I did what you are doing now and I was grieving from the time he was dx and it has had its grip on me a long time. You have been such a wonderful friend, optomist and have helped me more than you could ever know. I would like to be the same for you. I do understand hall passes believe me as I have had to take many and never even asked for them just told everybody I need to get away from the board for a while and as you know I went. I would return but leave shortly again. Take the time you need my friend but please dont you ever feel you are dumping on us. Let me ask you a question... Did you feel we were dumping on you??? I think not. We are all here to help the others and to seek help when we need it for ourselves.

I cant even tell you how much it hurt me to read you're post but that is only because I care and love you. When ever I come to the board you are the first person I am looking for to see how you are doing. I dont know how to say this other than say it... I knew this time was coming and I wanted to make sure I was here to support you as you have always supported me.

We have one very strong thing in common and that is our relationship with God and there has never been a night go by that I have not had you're family in my prayers. You know Peggy that God will make sure you make it through this and he has a plan for all of us and although his plan does not cause our suffering, he will be there and is there all the time. He has plans for Don as he does for all of us and we have to accept those plans and to know that this is not the end of our lives, we will be together in Heaven eternally.

Today is Alan's birthday and I will be okay. Time is the only healing Peggy and our faith.

I love you girlfriend

God bless you all always,


Link to comment
Share on other sites


It is good to spit it out sometimes,

clear the thinking.

Good that you could see a counselor

and that the tears washed away some


So much so fast but a sense of humor

or laughter always help.

I saw the difference from an active

man walking at least 10 miles a day

taking care of his trees, shrubs, flowers

and garden to a man that needed a cane

and later a wheel chair, but we lived

it always with some humor.

The most needed thing I found for my

husband was to pass easy on the signs

of weakness he had and turn my head

but kept my eyes on him.

He told me in 1999 when I got cancer

that we would be my support all through

my life, now he is gone and I still feel

that he is helping me.

Later when it was his time to need my

support we joked about reversed task.

When it was time for a wheel chair, he

made me buy special shoes so I could

walk easy beside him, still have the

shoes but can't wear them.

All those small jokes we traded are

still with me helping me and now

after 20 months they bring a smile to

my face.

Peggy, wishing the best and anytime you

need to talk I'm just a PM away.

Good luck and prayers for all of you.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear, dear Peggy,

Have read this post a few times and just didn't know how to respond. Your Don reminds me so much of my Earl, quiet, strong and always looking out for the welfare of their family.

Based on experience, the only thing that got me through this time was the support and love of family and friends, and very much the support of my LCSC family. All you can do is take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Cry as you need to, but try and find something each day to laugh about, it really helps you emotionally.

With all that has happened to you in the last couple of years, you have every reason to just lose it like you did for a couple of days. I am so glad you have found a helpful ear. You need to take care of yourself, you know that Don needs to feel that you are going to be alright, it's a man thing.

Peggy, no easy solution, no magic words, just caring and loving thoughts to help you during this sad time.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fall 54 said:

please dont you ever feel you are dumping on us. Let me ask you a question... Did you feel we were dumping on you???

WOW! WOW! WOW! Jane, it's so wise of you to ask me that question. I just froze when I read that. No. No. No. A thousands time no. I have never thought anyone was dumping on me. With one question you have opened my eyes to see how foolish I've been to keep this to myself and let it fester. I think I must have learned this from my parents. I've always been very emotional and they always told me to quit crying and stop acting like a big baby. So, I guess I've always felt like I was a big baby if I cried about my problems. It was ok to cry over other people, but not for myself.

Thank you, Jane!!!!!!!!!!

The most needed thing I found for my

husband was to pass easy on the signs

of weakness he had and turn my head

but kept my eyes on him.

Thanks, J.C. I think it is the MOST NEEDED thing. It's good to see that this is what others have done, too. It is so tempting to say, "Here let me do that", but I don't. I don't let him know I see a thing. As a matter of fact, I still leave the garbage for him to take out without doing it myself. I still let him carry in the groceries and do everything he used to do even if it would be easier for him if I just did it. I think it's important to him to be able to do everything he can as long as he can.

After church today, I went to the grocery store, and as usual, he got up to carry them in. I watched through a crack in the door as he carried the two 40 lb. bags of softener salt. Always before he would carry them both at the same time. This time, he did one at a time, and you could tell it was difficult for him, but I just smiled because HE DID IT!! He didn't see me.

And Ginny, I want to thank you, too, because I remember our phone conversations during Earl's last weeks, and although everybody thinks you are as strong as an ox, I know how much you also struggled then, and even now, and it's very comforting to me to know that there are others like you and J.C. and so many others that know how hard this is to go through.

I love you all so much!!



Link to comment
Share on other sites


I'm sorry to be so late responding to your post, but with my hubby in the hospital, I got a bit behind . Now that I am here, I don't know what to say. Is it okay if I cry a little with you? It hurts to see you and your hubby going through all this. I wish I had some encouraging or magic words I could say to you, but sometimes there just don't seem to be any . I hope you find strength in knowing so many of us here are with you in spirit and keep you in our prayers daily. It's a good thing that you could release some of those tears. It always helps me to have a good cry. I have to admit that there are days that I can't hide my tears from anyone, not even Mike. We love our loved ones that are ill and we can't bear watching them suffer nor can we bear thinking of life without them. It's ok Peggy. We all have those times. Sending many many prayers your way, as well as many tissues and a virtual shoulder to cry on.

Love, Sue

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Peggy,

I too am late to this post--have been working and taking care of a five year old granddaughter who is staying with us for a week or so, all of which makes it hard to get to the computer and spend time on the board -- but I'm glad that you've found some comfort both from the counselor and the responses from these wonderful friends on the board. And carrying in those 40 pound bags are no mean feat -- I can see why you smiled!

I won't reiterate the messages others have given you, just concur with them -- use us to get those feelings out and don't be afraid of tears or rage or any of those other emotions being "brave" tells you to stiffle. That's not bravery -- that's repression and repression always backfires.

You have our support -- you know that!



Link to comment
Share on other sites

sorry to respond so long after the fact. I relate to your outward reactions, and I'm just so sorry things are the way they are for you and don. I am new to this board, but I can't tell you how much calmer I've become about my mom's cancer watching you all walk with dignity and grace through whatever comes. consider me one more person you can 'dump' on any time.



Link to comment
Share on other sites

Peggy...two and a half years ago, I could have written almost the same post! I know exactly how you are feeling right now and I am definitely familiar with "anticipated grief." When Dennis died, I had already been anticipating his death and had been grieving for months. I have no idea how co-workers even put up with me during those months. Like you, I felt that my husband's illenss was all that mattered in the entire world. I had a hard time listening to anyone else talk about what was going on in their world. Dennis was a true fighter and always totally believed he was going to beat this monster. I, on the other hand, had spoken to the doctor and knew what we were facing. Dennis never asked, I never told. I held all of this inside and along with the information, I held back the tears. If I had cried in front of Dennis, he would have known that things were bad. So, I would make short trips to friends houses just to let some tears flow! Having two friends to talk to and cry with are all that got me through. I am so glad you talked to someone. That always helps so much. Please, know that I am here for you and am a good listener! Unfortunately, I've walked in your shoes and I know the trip isn't easy!!! Keeping both of you in my prayers!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.