teresa567 Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 My dad went in to the hospital for a "tune-up" (iv fluids, rehydration, etc) last week Tuesday. His PET scan was due on Friday so they decided to do it inpatient on wed. (Mind you, he hates going to PET or MRI scans cause of his claustrophobia...CT scans were okay though ). I spoke with him Tuesday night and our last words were I love you. Wednesday I called my mom at the hospital and she said he was breathing kinda of crackly and lungs were full of fluid so they gave him some lasix. He was feeling better and wanted OJ and potato chips (what a combo), but he had to go to that darn pet scan. My mom went down with him. A few hours later, I was about to get in the shower and then go try on wedding dresses with a friend, but I figured I would call my mom to see how the scan went. She answered and told me something was wrong and that there were a ton of people in the room. She said on the way back from the pet scan, his breathing was horrible. He went into full respiratory arrest. I was so terrified and full of panic. I was thousands of miles away in california (they are in wisconsin). My dad never wanted to talk about death or what to do when he got to that point. "I'm not there yet" he'd always say. He just wanted to fight, fight, fight. In the room, I could hear in the background, was total choas. My mom found a MD to talk to me and they thought they he was pulling through, but he wasn't. He started to code again. They got the attending oncologist on the phone and gave me his blood gas results...he was in bad shape. They had to intubate or pretty much let him go. They wanted to let him go, but I wasn't ready. I needed to get there. So they moved him to ICU and started up all the meds....while I ran around like a crazy woman packing up my bags and quickly getting a flight that would leave in 1.5 hours. I was such a mess at the airport..i have never been so dyfunctional in my life. When I got there, he was sedated, intubated, on meds for his falling BP, his kidneys were failing,...it was bad. I slept there that night with my mom. The next few days he improved a lot. All we wanted was him to get a chance off the vent and maybe get to talk to him for probably the last time. As they weaned his sedation, he communicated with us through his eyes, his eyebrows, and his hands. He got to reconnect with children he had lost touch with from his 1st marriage. He was encircled with love and prayers. We laughed and joked and talked with him about so many things, even though he couldn't technically speak back. We knew deep down he was scared to die and we tried to our best to comfort him. Sunday was his 75th birthday which he told me mom earllier that week he really wanted to make it too....and darn it he did, We withdrew support on Monday...his family at his side. He was awake and knew we were there...he agreed to have the tube out....but I know his plan was to still fight. He wasn't ready to give up. We took it out and his throat was too sore to talk, but when my brother and I told him we loved him, he mouthed it back. He slowly lost consciousness as his struggled with his breathing. We gave him some sedation and pain meds as needed to comfort him and moved him to the pallative care unit....where he continues to fight to this very moment. I'm sitting here watching him breath comfortably for the first time in a long time. His mind is not really with us...but his is calm and peaceful. I think I'm ready. He won't make it to my wedding after all (we moved it up to this september...but he still didn't make it) We continue to gather in his room and tell stories, laugh, and encourage him that its okay to go. So far, after we pulled the tube, I have felt the weight of the world lift from my body and an inner strength I never ever imagined I would have. The funeral may be a different story, but for now, I feel at peace. I wanted to write all this to let out our story and to let others know....that we all find peace and inner strength when we need it most. The last four years of my life have been such a rollar coaster and I never wanted to let him go. My dad's fight with cancer will soon be over, but it is not lost. Please keep us in your prayers during this time and pray for him to let go and enter the kingdom of heaven. Thank you all for your time and wish me luck with my wedding....I'll be back for more support when it draws near this fall....I can't imagine it without my daddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 I'm so sorry you are here.... I'm just so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie22 Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 I am so sorry and you have my prayers. I do know how you are feeling- I have been there. I so understand the letting go process you describe. Please keep in touch! Hugs and prayers Connie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 I send my prayers for peace... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 It is so beautiful that you got to spend this time with your Dad. I will pray for peace and comfort for you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dchurchi Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 My prayers are with you and your family. May God wrap His loving arms around you in your time of need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda661 Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Holding you in my thoughts and Sending prayers for peace and comfort. Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 You have given him a lot of comfort. You have all been wonderful to him. God bless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trish2418 Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 My prayers are with you and your family. May your dad rest in peace. Trish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 What beautiful peace you have found. Please know you have my prayers for continued strength, peace, and even hope. May you be wrapped in God's warmth. God bless, Jen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenlaureti Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 I pray for all of you! God Bless your Dad! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dtay Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 God bless you all Dawn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharonjo Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 I am so sorry for your and dad's pain. I am keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless, Sharon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen1 Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 keeping you and your family, your Dad in my prayers. So glad you are with him. I'm sorry for your pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamataca Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 What a cool family. Lots of prayers for strength and peace for you, your family, and your dad. Kelly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 I am glad you got to see your dad and I am glad he is comfortable now. I understand your being at peace...but it is sad to read. you all have my prayers. don M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 My prayers to you and your family. God Bless you Libby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 I am glad you are able to be with him--sending good thoughts your way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 Sending you and your family prayers... I am glad you are with him. Christine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindy0519 Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 Here I sit weeping... I recall the panicked trip from Ohio to Arizona where my Dad was. Knowing the end was near and yet so very deparately not wanting it to be so was pure HELL! And then suddenly from no where in the last week while Dad was in a hospice inpatient facility..we found PEACE...an overwhelming and very comforting sense of peace that is really hard to explain to those who have not experienced it firsthand but it was SUCH A BLESSING! We had the best week just spending time with each other and cherishing each and every second. My Dad too never talked of death and said the same "it's not time yet" right up until the bitter end. But those last few days were remarkable for our family as I am sure they are for yours. Cling tightly to them in the days ahead, these memories and the love of your family will see you through what is to come. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. May your Dad find comfort in his family and peacefully make his way to heaven. I'm too am SO VERY sorry that you must go through this..but very glad that you are able to be there. May the peace of God's grace be with you always! Cindy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzie Q Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 I'm so glad that you have found peace. Imagine how at peace your father must be! Your story is just incredibly amazing. Wishing you strength and comfort in the times ahead. ~Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kreed70 Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 I am sorry for all of this. I'm so glad, though, that you were able to get there and be with your family. Kelly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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