LynneH Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 Carleen, I am so very sorry to hear about Keith's reports. I remember the same feelings of knowing that my whole self was wrapped up and intertwined with Jim, as yours is with Keith. Please continue to let out that agony and anguish with us as you continue to lift Keith's spirits. And when you can't put the smile on for Keith, he too will understand because he knows you are human, and that you are madly in love with him. I lost it once and told Jim that I couldn't do this thing called "life" without him. He gently replied that I was not going to have a choice and would have to figure it out. Sounds harsh to write those words, but they were uttered softly, and those words have helped me so many times when I have been ready to crawl under the rock and leave this earth. Pounding pillows, sobbing in the car, sobbing in the shower, venting here........whatever it takes, please do it so you can gain the strength you need. You are an amazing lady and Keith is so very lucky to have you by his side. Great big hugs to both of you, Lynne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 Dear Carleen, My heart aches for you and Keith. It seems though that some of us have no choice but to walk the path we have been given. I too have found that to express your grief and anger is a good thing as it helps to build you up for the next fight. I still do it, but not quite so often. I will allow myself a ranting, crying session in the shower, (so's the neighbors can't hear,) and then I can get on with what I have to do. Life is definately not fair my Dear and the fact that you are so young makes this even worse for you. Prayers and positive thoughts are on there way to you and Keith. Love, Paddy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kel M Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 I'm praying for you both as hard as I can. I'm so sorry for your pain and suffering. Kel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 ((((((((((((((Carleen))))))))))))))) XOXOXOXOXOX MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mitzu Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 I cannot imagine what you're going through. You have to prepare yourself for the worst. You cannot let yourself get sick. My prayers are with you and your husband. There are miracles, you know... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 Dear Carleen, I am so sorry to hear of Keiths reports. I have no magic answer... I read all of the prior posts here and I have to tell you, What Shelly said made so much sense to me.... re-read it... I re-read it a few times and I think I will send it to my Mom who is having such a tough time with out Daddy. Know I am praying for you and Keith. And Carleen, you will get through this... you will be able to be strong for Keith because "you just do".... and don't every stop believing in miracles... I am praying for one. Love, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall54 Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 Dear Carleen, I am just heartbroken reading you're post. I agree with Karen when she encourages you to find a cousilor and perhaps get on some type of medication for depression. I did that when my Brother was so ill and it helped me so much. It also helped me to help him. I felt stronger and more able to deal with what was happening. I understnad you're love for you're husband as I feel the same way about mine and know I would be in the same situation as you are if it were he that was ill. I also know I would run not walk to a DR for depression medication to help me to deal with it. I believe as bunny does that God does not cause any of this and is there for us throughout it. I believe that if Keith is taken to Heaven before you are , God will be there to welcome him to everlasting life. When it is you're turn, Keith will be there to welcome you along with God to everlasting life together. I know these are only my beliefs but I wanted to share them with you. Life is hard and unfair and very hard to understand but there will be a time all those questions will be answered and you will understand the reasons for the trials you and all of us are going through. God does have a plan. I cant say I dont understand your fury at God but that is as you said only because you so badly want to blame someone or something. God understands this. He loves you and Keith very much. We love you and Keith very much also. I only wish we knew his plan and could be comforted by it. I live with my faith in him and trust him. I am sure you do too. It can be very hard to feel the trust at times when times are so troubled but we must. I also believe in miracles and I pray Keith will be one of his miracles. Carleen, please get the help you need so you can see more clearly and deal with this and enjoy the time you have one day at a time together. My love and prayers for you both always, God Bless, Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 I am so very sorry for your pain and suffering..I wish I had the words to comfort you at this time..It is truly a NIGHTMARE and there are no words to describe the feelings. I will pray my heart out for you and Keith..God does hear our prayers and answers them in His time..I know anything we say is like putting a bandaid on an amputation, for that alone my heart aches for you..Please know if there is any way I can help, I am here for you.. Many Blessings and hope for you and dear Keith.. Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Carleen,so sorry you and Keith are having to go thru this. Keeping you both in our hearts and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBeth Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 I'm so very sorry Carlene; sorry for your fears and your pain. I will keep you in my prayers. I know there is nothing that anyone can tell you right now that matters more than your pain. All my love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 No words--just prayers for the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
icbn Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 All of us here love you both very much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NancyT Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Carleen, I am so very sory to read this, I wish I had some comfort I could send you. Please know you are both in my thoughts and prayers NancyT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MalouDP Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 This too shall pass. Praying for you Carleen and Keith. This too shall pass. God Bless. Hang in there tight sweetheart. God sees all our pain and eases them. One more thing, please don't hesitate to ask your doctor for a good anti depressant med for yourself. Keith needs you more now than ever. Love Malou Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ladyintheglen Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 My prayers are with you both. Love, Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 I beleive we would all be at your side right now, but know that we are all with you in spirit. We cannot take your pain away, but we can help to hold you up. many prayers and hugs gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joseppie Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 All my prayers and support are with you both! Joseppie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 Dear Carleen, You're not broken, just cracked in a lot of places - big cracks. I can't quite identify with the way you describe your relationship with Keith, but I can identify with your fear. Don and I were married for 38 years (minus one month) and deeply in love with each other. We both had many friends, family and other things to love and care about outside our relationship, so I don't think I could say we were as self-absorbed with each other as you describe you and Keith. With the type of attachment that you describe, I can understand why you are having such a hard time absorbing this bad news. After Don was diagnosed, I did become totally absorbed in him somewhat as you describe, and I spent almost every waking minute wanting to find out anything and everything that I could to heal him. Everything else in my life suffered as a result - including my job and the rest of my family. The part of your post that I can thoroughly identify with is your fear. It became more profound as Don's symptoms became more obvious. I became so devastated that I sought counseling. My counselor described it as "anticipatory grief", and said that many times it is far worse than what we go through when we actually lose the person that we know we are going to lose. He was right. The grief I experienced before Don died was filled with fear and anticipation - constant worrying about how I could or would live without him. Also, fear about how he would cope, if he would suffer, would he be scared, etc., etc. The counseling sessions helped me a lot. I didn't take medication because I wasn't what you would call depressed. I was just very, very scared and extremely sad and worried. Now that Don is gone, the grief is different. There is no more fear. I can function without him. I miss him and, at times, the loneliness and aching for him is very painful, BUT, I can function, and I can live, and I can be happy. I can still smile and do so frequently. I am telling you all of this because I feel that your post is laced with FEAR. Fear of the unknown and fear of life without Keith. You must know, and you must believe, that you will be ok. Yes, you will hurt, and you will hurt a lot, and you might hurt for a long time, but you will be ok, you will heal, and you CAN do this. I know that these words I have typed will probably not convince you that you CAN do this. I do hope, however, that just knowing that me, and Lynne and Paddy and Ginny, Ann, Jane, Nancy and Beth, and all the others have walked the path you are walking anticipating losing their soulmates, and know and understand the fear you are feeling, will give you enough strength to throw your shoulders back, hold your head up high and tell yourself that you CAN do this. All my love and prayers for God's strength are coming right at you! Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 I totally agree with Peggy. She decribes this nightmare well. I will pm you. God bless,Nancy C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joanie55 Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 Dear Carleen, It's taken me 3 days to be able to write you. I feel like I know you both and am heartbroken reading your post. Just want you to know that there are so many prayers being said for you and Keith. Wish I could do more. ((((carleen & Keith)))) Joan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jang Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 Carleen, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. You are so young! I know you can do it. You will be strong and be there for him. I wish there was something I could do for you. Just know that we are all here for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted January 1, 2006 Share Posted January 1, 2006 Carleen, I Feel The exact same way about deb as you do about your husband, Married 9 years and fighting almost 3 of those 9. This is agreat place to vent and do it when you want. DOn't keep it bottled up inside. I PRay for every one afflicted with this disease every night, under the stars in my backyard. Its a little more like 1 on 1 with god that way and I can get a lot off my chest that way also. It is a great therapy for ME! Ibelieve in the power of prayer, and will say an extra one for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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