(((Patti))),
I don't have answers, but I have love , compassion and lots of hugs for you. Your son is one of the most blessed kids in the world, he has had and still has you, Patti. Not all kids have such a loving parent. Second of all, please stop blaming yourself for this disease. That's not allowed here because we know it may or may not have been caused by your smoking, but no one DESERVES to have cancer. If you had known, positively, for one minute that you WOULD get cancer, you would have quit. One more note, my mom quit 22 year ago and she still was diagnosed with lung cancer.
Patti, You aren't robbing Nick of anything. You didn't choose to have this disease and I am of the belief that all things happen for a reason. Let happen what happens. Give love to Nick and take his love back. Live life to the fullest. If this disease takes you from him, he will grieve, but he will draw great comfort in the part of you he will carry in his heart.
I'm so sorry you have the pain of worrying about these things. I'm so sorry you have lung cancer. I pray you will be here for a long time. You are such a giver, dear Patti, and I'm inspired by you every day I come here. I hope someone can post something to help you to find peace in your thoughts. In the meantime, know that you have my prayers, ALWAYS!!!
Love,
Sue