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Two Years After...


Debi

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Well, I too, have made it to the two year mark. Two years ago tonight, I was sitting in the Cancer Treatment Center of America’s smoking lounge, smoking my last pack of cigarettes. And tomorrow morning, it will be two years since I discovered that your right lung actually has THREE lobes, after I was told they took two, and I had one left. :shock:

In a way, this ‘re-birthday’ is sort of anti-climatic. My Oncologists appointments had sort of gotten off the calendar, and my last one was back the end of April, and my chest xray was clear, and he doesn’t want to see me till August. I recently had a bone scan, and a Brain MRI, and those were also clear. So it seems weird, here I am at 2 years, without the panic or stress of waiting for any tests!

The last 2 years have been a patchwork of emotions, and hopefully the worst ones are behind me. I spent every day trying to be hopeful, some days succeeding, other days failing miserably at finding any traces of hope for my future. I spent some days planning ahead, and then spent the following days reprimanding myself for hoping, for believing that maybe, just maybe, my killer had actually left me behind and wouldn’t be making a u-turn to come back and get me. I constantly would ask myself why I thought myself worthy of life, when so many others had perished. I’m not that special.

I owe my sanity to this board, as well as my insanity. If I had never found this place, I probably wouldn’t think about my cancer as much as I do. But if I had never found this place, I would have missed out on knowing a lot of wonderful people. You all mean something to me, and those of you have been with me every step of this path, have my eternal gratefulness for being as near to me as my computer screen, any time of the day or night. Your light has always been my guide.

I miss our friends that we have lost, some of them every time I sign on. The memories of their strength, their dignity, their friendship give me my strength and the desire to fight my fears daily. I am alive, and in some way, feel the need to live life well and for them, for those who weren’t given the chance to do so. How dare I not appreciate my life after I have learned what a gift life really is...

I guess the fanfare that I felt last year for this day is over, and the overall theme this year, is gratitude. I am so grateful today for so many things...

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Debi,

It's been a wild ride these last few years huh? 8)

Your successes and survival of this disease are the types of inspiration that helps others who are just beginning down this path.

Congratulations on these last two years- may the next years always be cancer-free and filled with joy, lots of laughter, and love.

CHEERS my friend.

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Debi - Congratulations on 2 years. I only have two more years to catch up to you. :lol: I know how you feel about thinking of your cancer more by being on this board. But you have to think about how many people you have helped and supported. You are an inspiration to me, and you give me something to look forward to. Congratulations on two years, with many more to come.

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Debi,

This is a big day for all of us. It is great news to learn about these kind of anniversaries. I too, try each day to be greatful that I am alive. I almost feel quilty sometimes, but then again, I figure He has a purpose to keep me around. I have no idea what that reason is, but maybe, someday, I will help someone.

I celebrate with you Debi. Keep it up.

You have been and are a blessing for this board.

Nina

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Ah, Debi, I lift my glass of sparkling cherry juice to you, two years! I'm thankful you are here, you let me know that I'm NOT the only sane person in the world (or is it that I'm not the only crazy person?). First time we talked on the phone, I laughed so hard at the New York accent with the Oklahoma area code...whoa, dude! (Were you ever in the navy, girl? LOL)

Love ya fiercely,

Becky

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Debi,

Well girlfriend, we made it to two years! Congratulations on your good health and also the quitting smoking. I know we were both scratching and clawing at times to save our sanity, but we still made it.

Monday is my surgery anniversary, and after all the hooopla of my chest x-ray and recent visit with my surgeon, I guess it will be a little anti-climactic for me too, but that's ok.

Hey, you're right, grateful is the word for the upcoming year. Hopeful, optimistic, also, but very, very grateful. I liked the part about needing to live a good life...that rang a bell for me.

Here's to you Debi, and may all the bad things be in your rear view mirror! Stick around, I don't know what I'd do without you.

Cindy

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I loved your post, and congratulations on your two year mark! I hope you'll consider me a new friend. I relate to the mixed experience of this board - but in only a matter of days I have become so dependent on it for support, information and distraction (in a good way) from my mom's illness that I wouldn't give it up for anything (even if I'mnot quite as focussed on work as I should be, yikes). kisses, and many many more good years.

xoxo

bunny

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Debi,Congratulations on two years.You are a very special person and friend to me and so many others here.(even if you do pick on me a lot).

Wishing you many,many,more sane and insane years of heading up and taking charge of the chicken cult,and being an inspiration and friend to so many of us here.

May You And Your Explorer Run Forever.

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Hi Debi.

This is just fantastic! I am sooo glad that you have stuck around. You have a wonderful presence in your humor and level-headedness and ability to put feelings into words that I have a difficult time expressing. Thank you for that.

I am with Snow in lifting a glass of sparkling cherry juice to your recovery celebration! Cheers!

love, cindi o'h

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Debi

I am at the stage where I am still tiptoing around "hope" and giving myself heck when I do feel it or even THINK ANYTHING that suggests the "future."

Your post gave me the inkling that maybe I will someday be a bit more at ease...

I understand exactly what you mean about wondering why I even deserve this gift---assuming it really is a gift or that it is mine. I feel so schizoid.

I am grateful for many things, and one of them is your friendship--.

love and fortitude

elaine

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Debi,

Thank you.

Something you said: "I constantly would ask myself why I thought myself worthy of life, when so many others had perished. I’m not that special."

I ask that question very often. You have no idea how much your posting means to me and how good it feels to know I am not alone in the sanity/insanity/logic/neurosis arena.

You are one very very very very special lady!

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