Debi Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 Well, I too, have made it to the two year mark. Two years ago tonight, I was sitting in the Cancer Treatment Center of Americaâ€™s smoking lounge, smoking my last pack of cigarettes. And tomorrow morning, it will be two years since I discovered that your right lung actually has THREE lobes, after I was told they took two, and I had one left. In a way, this â€˜re-birthdayâ€™ is sort of anti-climatic. My Oncologists appointments had sort of gotten off the calendar, and my last one was back the end of April, and my chest xray was clear, and he doesnâ€™t want to see me till August. I recently had a bone scan, and a Brain MRI, and those were also clear. So it seems weird, here I am at 2 years, without the panic or stress of waiting for any tests! The last 2 years have been a patchwork of emotions, and hopefully the worst ones are behind me. I spent every day trying to be hopeful, some days succeeding, other days failing miserably at finding any traces of hope for my future. I spent some days planning ahead, and then spent the following days reprimanding myself for hoping, for believing that maybe, just maybe, my killer had actually left me behind and wouldnâ€™t be making a u-turn to come back and get me. I constantly would ask myself why I thought myself worthy of life, when so many others had perished. Iâ€™m not that special. I owe my sanity to this board, as well as my insanity. If I had never found this place, I probably wouldnâ€™t think about my cancer as much as I do. But if I had never found this place, I would have missed out on knowing a lot of wonderful people. You all mean something to me, and those of you have been with me every step of this path, have my eternal gratefulness for being as near to me as my computer screen, any time of the day or night. Your light has always been my guide. I miss our friends that we have lost, some of them every time I sign on. The memories of their strength, their dignity, their friendship give me my strength and the desire to fight my fears daily. I am alive, and in some way, feel the need to live life well and for them, for those who werenâ€™t given the chance to do so. How dare I not appreciate my life after I have learned what a gift life really is... I guess the fanfare that I felt last year for this day is over, and the overall theme this year, is gratitude. I am so grateful today for so many things... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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