Rower Michelle Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 Hello my family, I've been a little MIA of late. Almost two weeks ago my mother was hospitalized following complications from Keytruda. She had severe diarrhea that wasn't controlled with steroids. The Jersey hospitals are quite full (non covid) and she spent two days in the ED waiting for a CCU bed with acute renal failure. While her renal function is improved, she has a full bowel obstruction that can not be treated at this point. Her condition deteriorated rapidly from yesterday, so I fielded a few phone calls from the physicians and helped my Dad make the decision to end active treatment and transition to hospice today. My mom put up a pretty good fight with the endometrial cancer and lived much longer than anticipated with lung mets. So now we wait. I'm frustrated with my sister, in the midst of this family crisis, she decided to head into the office, leaving her husband and I to communicate with my father and the doctors. I know she isn't close to my mother, but I just don't get it. Please pray for a peaceful passing, we don't want Mom to suffer. Love you guys, Michelle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennedy Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 Michelle, I am sorry to hear of your mother's decline. I am praying for a peace for your mother and your family. Try not to be too rough on your sister, we all handle grief and stress differently. Hugs! Jenny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BridgetO Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. Hospice sounds like a wise choice at this time. My mom (who had metastatic breast cancer and who had discontinued treatment due to intolerable side effects) developed an untreatable blood clot in the main artery in her leg. I had her medical power of attorney and made the decision for hospicd. She had a peaceful and painfree passing. I hope and pray for a similar experience for your mom. Bridget O Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GaryG Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 Hi Michelle: Sorry to hear about your Mom. Deciding on Hospice is always a difficult decision but in this case it is the best one. I have known from experience that cancer brings out the truth about family and friends and in many cases the truth really hurts. Personally I am glad to be part of your family as you have been always here sharing your wisdom and happy thoughts with all of us. For that I am very thankful. I hope your Mom is spared the suffering and that you have a piece of mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LexieCat Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 Oh, geeze, Michelle, I'm sorry your mom/family are going through all this. I think it does sound like the right thing to do at this point, though. Are you able to talk to her by video? Sending hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rower Michelle Posted February 28, 2021 Author Share Posted February 28, 2021 Yes. Yesterday they started to let one family member in at a time for 15 minutes. My Dad is by no means a FaceTime master, got a good look at the ceiling & the pillow. I did get a glimpse of her, she has an NG tube right now & it’s difficult to for her to speak. The staff put giant mittens on her hands to stop her from pulling out the tube. Yesterday she was still in the fight- doing arm circles- but today she looked tired. Tim and my brother in law are working really well together. Dad is trying to be brave. I think in hospice the COVID rules are eased up a bit. My sister will head to the hospital for the first time to meet with the social worker. So Teri, I know you’re not native but we ordered pizza and cannolis for dinner tonight. The absolute comfort food. I’m really glad to have you all. It’s nice not having to explain things- you get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LexieCat Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 Pizza sounds great. My love for comfort food is what's got me 25 pounds heavier than I was when I started this whole ordeal last summer. Why does comfort food have to be so darned calorie-laden? Just a tip: drop the gun, take the cannoli. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb W Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 Michelle, I'm so very sorry to hear about your Mom. I understand how hard it must have been to make the decision to transfer her care to hospice. They will keep her comfortable. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Deb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judy M2 Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 So sorry to hear this, Michelle. But it's nice that the hospital is allowing visits, as brief as they are. Wishing you and your family strength throughout this crisis and peace and comfort to your mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rower Michelle Posted February 28, 2021 Author Share Posted February 28, 2021 Thank you all. The dreaded phone call in the middle of the night fortunately did not occur. We’re going to do a family meeting with the hospice social worker this afternoon. My sister lives in a fuzzy cell phone reception area (yeah, Essex County has a few spots) so we’re going to FaceTime in. My father has a nurse case manager who has been with us for almost six years so we will have some professional assistance to help us navigate the process going forward. Tim got a script called in for Xanax last night- which did come in handy last night. It’s amazing how my brain works differently now after two and a half years of targeted therapy. This stuff is hard enough when on full power. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Galli Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 Michelle, I am late to this string and of course am praying for your family’s peace. End of life decisions are so hard. Divergent opinions abound and there is always the question lurking of “did I/we do the right thing.” I’ve lived this transition for my parents and Martha’s mom. There are no absolutes except for the outcome. Decision theory, of which I am a fan, has a first principal—always consider the do nothing alternative. Of course, you are powerless to influence process, methods or outcomes. So accept do nothing as your course of action. It is time for fond memories. Hold on to them tightly. Stay the course. Tom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Haines Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 Michelle, I am so very sad and sorry and hope very much that your Mom will be in total comfort and at peace. This is such a horrible and devastating disease and it takes far too many. My heart goes out to you and all of your family. Hugs, Lisa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TJM Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 Damn girl. That is very sad. I've lost both my parents and I know it is a life changer, even when you know its coming. Love ya girl Peace Tom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LouT Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 Michelle, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. I've been absent here for a bit with some things going on, but my prayers go out to your Mom, you and your family. I'm also sorry to hear about your sister, but sometimes people hide their fears and inability to face terrible thing by staying away. I hope all goes as well as possible. Lou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUNGevityKristin Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, Michelle. Thinking of you and your family and sending virtual hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan Cornett Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 Michele - Praying for a peaceful transition for your mom, and sending love to you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBinOregon Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 Hi Michelle, I've been AWOL for a while - work, life, chasing down a COVID vaccine appointment and oh yeah, scans that seem to come up too often - so here I am bringing up the rear. I hope you remember to take care of yourself while you manage your mom's care and affairs and all. Sending clorox-wiped hugs, MB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rower Michelle Posted March 3, 2021 Author Share Posted March 3, 2021 Thank you all for the continued support. MB- I’ve suspended my vaccine hunt until the family situation settles down a little bit. Mom is still hanging on, tomorrow we’re moving her to a private facility. She’s still able to communicate, and my Dad is getting a little better at managing FaceTime. At least I can see his face and not his forehead now..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steff Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 Sending you hugs, Michelle. I'm very sorry to hear about your mom. I hope you and your family are hanging in there. I understand the perils of video messaging! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blossomsmom Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 I am so sorry Michelle. Having gone through this last year with my Mom, I know the road you are traveling is not an easy one. I also understand first hand the frustration dealing with a sibling. My sister was of no help. But ultimately I was glad she stayed out of the way. In the end, I had no regrets and there was nothing left unsaid between my mom & I. My sister can’t say the same but she has to live with that not me. Hoping for strength and peace for you and your family as you go through this sad time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LouT Posted March 10, 2021 Share Posted March 10, 2021 I know it's been a while Michelle. Any update on your Mom? Lou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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